Eat Pray Love

Good mid-morning ladies and gentlemen. The weather forecasters were mistaken again; we did not receive the anticipated ten inches of snow, more like four or five inches fell overnight: maybe. That is a comfort. I am pondering with myself how to pass the time once again. Being indisposed and pretty much useless doesn't leave me much to keep myself occupied. For once I don't have to sludge my way through the snow to work. I can stay warm and safe inside and just admire the snow drifts from a distance. I would like to write about something. I like to think too much when given the chance, and now I think is the time I will allow myself a moment of self indulgence.

Around the same time I discovered I was pregnant, I had begun reading the novel Eat Pray Love. The movie hadn't been released yet, and I didn't so much read through it as I did devour it and (very much like a cow and it's multiple stomachs) regurgitate it and swallow it again, absorbing the words like a sponge; pouring over the pages numerous times as if they contained recipes or spells of a grimmerie that if I could just memorize them, I would have a written pathway of survival. I would stare at the newly released cover with Julia Roberts' photo on the front enjoying gelato on a park bench in Italy, and it was like looking at the person I had recently found inside myself, except.... I could feel her slipping away, as every day more and more things slipped out of my control. Every day that passed, every chapter I got through I sensed my own recent discovery of myself getting away; and I somehow thought that maybe... Just maybe if I could cling to Elizabeth Gilbert's words and story, I could somehow hold onto my own story as well.... That maybe everything that was tilting backwards and falling out of my control and back into a dark place I didn't recognize would be a nightmare I could pull myself out of... That it was just a dark well I had fallen into, but if I had a hold on a rope leading out, I wouldn't slip any further into the darkness. I finished reading it once through and began to read it again. I actually ear-marked certain passages to be able to find them easily again to look over them.

I had just spent the last year on a journey of my own like Ms. Gilbert's. I had found my eating habits, I had found prayer, and I had found love... The passage where she is in Bali, but refrains from sleeping with Felipe was exactly me. She goes to bed alone, and wakes up in the middle of the night and makes a pound of buttered potatoes and prayers to her body to accept it instead of sex. The potatoes don't satisfy her, but waking up, she is glad she remained absent. Liz punctuates that women now not only must become our own husbands, but we must also be our own fathers: watching out for our own safety and knowing when to send ourselves to bed alone. I had done almost that exact thing for five almost six months: constantly telling myself to go to bed alone: protecting myself from the emotional baggage of everything I didn't need. And suddenly, I was pregnant, and everything I thought I had learned was changing and questioning all I had been through. I couldn't eat normally, I was sick and vomiting on a regular basis. I had had faith in a higher power, and suddenly I was angry at myself, because if I really was following a higher power, how did I end up in this situation.... And love..... I had found it only to realize ..... I don't know. It wasn't unconditional?..... I don't know... Everything I thought I had learned went out the window in the space of a few months. And here I am now. I felt as if my self-discovering journey had passed me by and I had wasted my time.... I felt I hadn't learned anything... I felt like you only get that journey once, and I had screwed it up. Royally.

I went and saw the movie by myself when it was in theaters. It was something I didn't want to share with anyone. I wasn't even sure how I would feel about seeing it... How I would take to it. I didn't want to leave the cinema and have someone ask me how I enjoyed it and tell me what they took away from it. I just wanted to go and experience it for myself. I remember sitting in the relative center of the theater, my pregnant stomach was starting to show, I was just beginning to sit uncomfortably; I had smuggled in a bottle of water in my purse, and I sat with my untouched popcorn, afraid of eating and feeling sick half-way through the movie. I believe I posted on facebook I was at the theater, just as the lights were dimming.

Have you ever seen a movie that makes you feel like you are with someone you are as familiar with as you are with yourself?... It feels like watching a sister or a best friend? Have you ever seen a movie like that? That's how it felt. I wasn't surprised by any of the plot, it was like seeing someone's journal on the big screen. There were moments that certain lines I had read over without comprehension from the novel, stood out as the crowning jewels larger than life in front of me. I sat watching it like sitting with an old friend over the kitchen table, just enjoying the lazy morning. The scene she sits and enjoys her makeshift breakfast on the floor, reminded me of my makeshift meals at home; the moment she says we rise from our ruins, I cried in understanding; the moment her friend from Texas leaves her alone on the roof till she can forgive herself, I felt like I was finally exhaling after holding my breath for so long.

Seeing the movie, I realized there isn't one specific time in your life you go on a journey to discover yourself; life is that constant journey. It is the cycle over and over again. The journey I went on before pregnancy, was just one part: one chapter: one location of my life. Pregnancy was just another journey. After pregnancy I will have a whole other journey to discover food, prayer, and, yes, love once again. I have faith.

Every beginning has an end: and every end has a beginning; life is a progression, not a carousel if you live it right- always spiraling forward, never being afraid to make mistakes. There are no mistakes in this life- there is what you do, and what you don't do.

Alice

I'm back! So much for Maltese Falcon or Avatar. I decided on Alice, the SciFi channel mini special. I am not a particular fan of the story of Alice in Wonderland, but this version I enjoyed. Maybe it has something to do with the SciFi channel. I also enjoyed the short series they made of the Wizard of Oz entitled the Tin Man. I like the futuristic feel to them. Inventive, original.... God knows we need some originality these days.

Well, this Alice is a live version that involves little Alice all grown up in today's modern times. She is a judo instructor and is dating a man, Jack. One evening he abruptly offers her a ring of engagement, scaring her into saying they are moving too quickly. He slips the engagement ring in her pocket and leaves. Alice finds the ring and chases after him outside to give it back where she sees Jack being kidnapped. Pursuing his kidnappers, she stumbles into a mirror that transports her to a futuristic wonderland of sorts. There the Red Queen has a casino that ensnares humans aka "oysters" and harvests their emotions to be sold to the people of wonderland, Jack is her son. He stole the ring of Wonderland that allows them to get into the human world to kidnap oysters for harvesting. Without the ring, the Red Queen is virtually powerless. Alice, not knowing any of this, stumbles her way into the kidnappers clutches, only to escape and blindly find her way to getting help. She happens upon the Mad Hatter, a gambling man of sorts, that has connections of value to help Alice find Jack and get back to the regular world.

There are moments during the plot that just when Alice thinks she can trust someone, she realizes they have an underlying plan that uses her as a pawn. She is constantly gyrating between trusting, questioning her trust, and questioning the people she is having to put her trust in; as well as, trusting her own decisions. It seems exhausting, and yet, that's what life is most of the time.

It isn't that I was impressed with the special effects of this movie or that the acting was anything spectacular. I think what I like most about this Alice is that is is modern and in the now. It is nicely adapted with an original twist to the plot and the scripting was well written. It poses a lot of thematic questions anyone can relate to;What woman hasn't stumbled into a situation that she has no idea what's going on or who anyone really is? What woman hasn't found that the people she trusted had hidden agendas? What woman hasn't had to stand up for herself and not let anyone take advantage of her, even though it may break her heart?

I enjoy the simplicity of these questions. That is a word I use a lot. Simple, in all it's forms, is a beautiful word, and an even better thing to have. Make seemingly difficult things simple in your mind. There is beauty in simplicity. Nothing is too hard to achieve, as Alice comes to learn. You can find truth if you're strong enough to seek it and accept it as truth once you find it. And you can find your way home as long as you're willing to make the journey to get there. It's never as easy as clicking your heels together three times and making a wish. ...At least not in my experience... But what do I know? I'm just a twenty-two year old blogging about her life alongside movies as she stumbles through Wonderland or Oz, or whatever the heck this life is called. I think there are some lessons Alice has to teach us, we haven't even thought about yet, till now, as we explore wonderland with a new outlook.

Considering Avatar

Here it is a Friday afternoon, errands have been accomplished, rest has been somewhat accomplished; I am nesting comfortably as they say all pregnant women do in the last stages of being miserable. After having felt myself slip into the "organizing" mode, I can see why women do it: it is a way to cope with the uncomfortableness and the constant pain. So, I am merely here relaxing now, trying to do something productive in my time. I considered putting on Avatar, because my new blu-ray player has just been set up, but I don't feel committed to sitting for two hours; and besides, I'm about to eat lunch. However, it sounds like a good idea after lunch, maybe... I also have the Maltese Falcon with Humphrey Bogart.. That sounds tempting....

Well, here I leave you. I just wanted to say something plain, sweet, and simple. I will be back in a few, tucked in with a good movie I am sure. Take care all and God Bless.

Yes, Man!

Today was an alright day. I am biding my time until I can go on my maternity leave and take a break from work. I was browsing my extensive collection of DVD's to watch something good and what did my eye spy but the movie Yes, Man! This movie is already a few years old, but I felt the push, the need, the want to put it on. I was already writing a blog about it in my head. I already knew what I wanted to say about the ending of the film.

If you haven't seen this Jim Carrey film, it is about a man named Carl. He divorced a few years back and hasn't done anything with his life since except stay working at his bank job. He has let his friendship with his best friend go to the wayside, he doesn't make an effort to make new friends, and he actually avoids any and all people. Every day he wishes he could get back with his ex-wife, who already has a serious boyfriend. In short, he never says "yes" to anything in his life. He constantly says "no thanks" or "he's busy." On his lunch break at work, Carl is sitting outside and a man greets him that knew him from some past function (college or something) and asks him what he's doing with his life. Carl answers negatively, which prompts the man to present him with an inspirational pamphlet about a support network who's mantra is "Yes!" He joins this group of people and has to say "yes" to EVERYTHING; has to go out drinking with his best buds and foot the bill; has to agree to letting his elderly neighbor lady give him a blow job; has to agree to a mail order bride; has to learn Korean, amidst a long list of other things. However unsavory some of the things he has to say yes to, there are quite a few things that aren't unsavory. He gets out and enjoys his life more and even meets a gal.

I enjoy watching Jim Carrey's antics and gyrations. He is so exaggerating (to say the least.) I remember the last time I watched this movie. I was curled up with my baby's dad on the couch on a day much like the last few days; there was a lot of snow on the ground, but the sun was out. So, we closed all the curtains, even shut the bathroom door, to make it dark and cozy to watch the movie. We dozed off and on watching Yes, Man! It was wonderful. It was so simple. It was a day I will remember. He asked me as I put on the movie if it would be nice to do "this" aka watching movies and just relaxing together more often. I turned and nodded my agreement. Yes. It would have been nice. Yes. It would have been nice. Yes. It would have been nice. After having been saying no to so many things in my life at the time, I told him yes.

If there is one thing I have learned from this movie and from my own life, it is that life isn't about saying yes to everything. It isn't about saying no either, because there is more I've said no to in my life than I've said yes to. It isn't about yes or no. It is about just living, being willing to take chances, make mistakes, make decisions, and be the best person you can be in the process. It's about not letting the world change you, but you changing the world. And maybe the world is just one person to you, and maybe it literally is the whole world. Who knows better but yourself? The journey to saying yes to your individual life is a long one. Say yes to that. You can't go wrong there. Say yes. I did. And I refuse to let anything anyone does to me or anything the world throws at me make me say no to my life. It is mine; and it is worth saying yes to.

The King's Speech

It has been a long while since I have blogged anything; since I have reviewed any movies; since I have enjoyed myself enough to take the time to. I am coming back to my familiarity of myself and what it is that I, Katalin, do. What do I do? I relax, I take my time doing things. I go to work, I get off work, I come home, figure out dinner, go read, watch something on TV that interests me...etc. etc. I am simple. I have a simple foundation. And I am learning how to keep it travel size so I can take it with me where ever I end up. I recently had the epiphany that everything around me can change, but I can stay the same. Just because my environment changes doesn't have to change the person I am inside. My clothes, my home, my car can all change...But the person I am on the inside doesn't have to. She just adapts and decides what she will accept as change and what she won't. Very liberating epiphany. I have found a huge part of myself.

I had the utmost pleasure of getting to go see The King's Speech yesterday. There wasn't one element of this film that didn't hit the right pitch and note. The soundtrack blended and complimented the script and actor ensemble. The filmography was precise and eloquent. The actor ensemble itself was seamless and natural. I never was reminded through this movie that any of them were actors playing parts, I was safely convinced what I was watching was real. Colin Firth plays the Duke of York, not yet king, and Helena Bonham Carter plays his wife. Geoffrey Rush plays Lionel Loge.

If you don't already know what it is about, it is about King George VI of England as he takes the throne while his country England is on the brink of war with Hitler's Germany. The king has an issue though that prevents him from representing his country by broadcast: he stammers. At this critical hour in history when the world needed a voice to speak for the people, he stumbled through and across basic sentences. His wife tried finding as many speech therapists as possible to help him overcome his problem to no avail, until one day she found Lionel Loge. Lionel was not a qualified doctor of speech therapy and yet had been in the Austrian military to help recovering soldiers with speech problems that come with trauma. Upon meeting the duke, he promptly tells him, he will only work with him on an equal level starting with names. He will address the duke as Bertie, and be addressed as Lionel himself. He creates a trust and friend level to help Bertie realize that past issues are a huge part of the cause stammering affects certain people.

The historical value of this film is priceless and the mode of it carried out is done beautifully. One of the most wonderful aspects I came away with after seeing this film was the theme that it isn't who we are statistically, or what our personal/physical faults are that make us who we are as humans. It is whether we recognize our status and faults and step up to the challenge to overcome our fears that will define us. It was inspiring to know that based upon true events, a duke stepped up to face the challenge of overcoming his inability to speak and to be king, so that he could speak for his nation to step up to the challenge of fighting against Nazism/socialism that threatened the very humanity of the world.

I sit back and look at all the things he faced and struggled to overcome, and I realize we all have challenges to face, myself included. The question is will most of us fight that uphill battle, or will we go around it and not reach our potential?

Inception: What is real and what is a dream?...

I waited all winter and spring for summer, and now that it's here, I haven't even been able to enjoy the heat. I just melt in it. Not cool, at all. I actually took my lonesome self to the movies again the past week, and it's sad to say, I've acclimated to enjoying a movie by myself. I dressed up in a nice black summer evening dress, put makeup on, fixed my hair, and slipped on my flip-flops for my one recognizable trait. I had wanted to see Inception since I saw the first trailer of it, so I went to see it. The main plot of the movie is that you can be put in a dream state and think that it's real. Inception is the point of slipping you into the dream state (which is really just an architectural maze filled in with details from your subconscious) and extraction is the point when,whoever has put you in the dream, takes information they were looking for in your subconscious. If it sounds complicated, it felt even more delightfully complicated watching it. The beginning hurtles you into a reality, that you find out is a dream, with no background information for you to soak in: you have to listen and absorb the action as it's happening to understand what's happening. It definitely takes a few minutes to adjust to the abrupt beginning as it continues to abruptly switch up on you. It is done cleverly enough, it makes you force your intelligence to meet the challenge of understanding the strange, yet simple complexity of the question: what is reality, but only a dream.

Who hasn't wondered that question: is all this real? What if life is just individual dreams we all have? Is what I believe to be real, really real, or is it just a dream...?

Have you ever wanted to fall asleep so bad, just so that you can escape to the memories in your dreams?......And you fall asleep at the most random times, and you dream of what was, what could have been...And you wake up and don't know where you are, because you thought that maybe, just maybe, falling asleep, you were really waking up to all the things you loved, that all the things that took you away from your happiness hadn't happened. That the dreams were real, and waking back up, you're really just waking back up to the actual dream.....?

That's what this movie made me think of. The truth is, that whatever your mind believes is real...That's reality. So, know your reality, and know your dreams, so that you know when you're waking up.

Despicable Me

It has been a minute since I have blogged last. I have abandoned you, my dear public, because of current personal matters I am coping with. I sincerely apologize for my short absence. It has been a beautiful past week, however, and today was no exception. With a brief heat wave, the cool afternoon was followed by light rain showers. Earlier in the heat, I decided to oust myself from the house and go out. I am not favorable to seeing movies by myself, but no one (myself included) can disagree with the argument that if you have no one to take with you, take yourself. Hence, I took myself. I like Adam Sandler and almost decided to see Grown Ups, but decided instead on the lighter animated Despicable Me.

Summarization: evil thief voiced by Steve Carelle, has to come up with and execute the heist of the century. Somehow along the way, he adopts three little orphan girls to help him carry out part of the heist. As the plot progresses, he becomes attached to the girls and has to decide what is more important: being known for pulling off the heist of the century, or being a father to the three girls.

I liked the movie's inventiveness, it kept the basic story line entertaining. It was fun, I enjoyed myself, and am pretty sure if you don't take yourself too seriously, you would enjoy it as well. It's still summer people, so get out and enjoy that tan and those summer flicks.