Cat In The Hat... Nigel Strawberry..... Bleh bleh bleh....

Hello my dears, 

 it seems as the faster time moves for me, the less I write. I used to write to fill the time- to fill the silent void- or to silence the demons in my head. And now..... writing would be because I actually want to write.. 

And I do want to write. And I do want to read my books. And I do want to paint and draw and watercolor and sew plushies and watch movies. 

Let me tell you a story.. 

It's about a little girl who grew up sheltered from the world... All she knew was what she grew up with. She never went to public school. She never really had "normal" friends and relationships. All she had were her books- her movies- her sister- her imagination- her sadness- her self. She had been told that the world was evil and not safe and corrupting and that you "had to be careful." And yet, with all that- she always looked at other people out and about and some of them seemed happy- and she wanted that for herself- she felt strange and weird- she felt like an outsider- and she would see other children- and then teenagers as she got older- hanging out together- laughing together- experiencing life together- and she was still alone- laughing alone- crying alone.....

Reflecting on herself- she realized she spent all her time with books and movies- inanimate objects- they couldn't laugh and cry with her- they couldn't see her- interact with her- they were just .....things... And she became angry and frustrated.. and she threw all them aside  because she felt they were keeping her from living her life. 

So, she went out in search of this "life" she felt she wasn't living.. and she tried to be like everyone else- do what other people did... at first it was exciting and new, but the more she tried to be happy like everyone else- the sadder and even more alone she felt- because the more she realized she was trying to be something she wasn't. The whole time she had been trying to be someone else- rather than herself... 

It took a lot of heartbreak... and a lot of heartache to find herself- to find honesty- and like herself.... to be happy with who she was.... 

I'd like to tell you the story has a happy ending... but that's the funny thing about real life.... It doesn't end until we die... and until we die... it's never just a "happy ending." There will be hardship and struggles and pain... but there will also be love and beauty and happiness. 

The story isn't over yet. The girl grew into  a woman and is still living her life- finding herself- creating herself- creating art- because she is art- and life is an art.

It's funny to me how all she wanted to do was have a "real life." And the whole time she had no idea that she had been living her real life the whole time- SHE was the only one who couldn't see it for the longest time. 

I never would wish heartache on anyone- I only wish good things for you all my dears... But I know life has a way of handing out heartache no matter what. But I wish you to hold on. I have weathered enough storms to know they don't last forever- storms have an end. because time never stops moving forward. I know it's not easy to hold on. I know it isn't, but if we didn't keep trying- we will never know if it will get better. And it will- it may take a while- but that's life- that's art. 

goodnight my loves. 

create some art. make something beautiful . 

sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood

Jumanji

Good Monday afternoon my dears, I know it is dreaded Monday, but I am actually off of work today and hope to share the positive vibes with you all.

I know I haven't blogged in a while. A lot of things on my mind. A lot. And one of the recent things on my mind, of course, is the death of Robin Williams. Yes, I know it seems like everyone is going on about it, and there are other people dying every day as well..... it's just .... this is a human being we all knew.... at some point we all laughed and cried with. Mr. Williams was a man that shared laughter with the world when his own heart was aching and even with fame remained humble and kind. I will miss him terribly and all the movies I looked forward to seeing him in for the years to come.

I am thinking of all the other people that pass away and none of us really pay attention to. Like in the book, The Fault in our Stars,  Hazel wonders  at how so many die every day, but only very few are widely remembered. And when Hazel is in Amsterdam and visits Anne Frank's house, she sees a book with a list of all the names of everyone like Anne lost in the Holocaust; and Hazel thinks that it would be possible to remember every human that passes away in history, if only each individual would remember three other's names.  On the list below Anne Frank, there are three different "Aron Frank"s.... and Hazel wonders who they were and about their families......

I think of all the people I know.... from my past.... lovers... friends... acquaintances...... bosses... coworkers..boyfriends... strangers.... authors.... actors......I remember many more than just three.... We all do..... And I realize just when I start to think the little people get lost in the ambiguity of it all... I realize, none of us do.. Because there is At Least one person out there that will remember you... and will remember me, and odds are there is more than one that will remember you and me... so, we all do live on, maybe not in the limelight like people like Robin Williams, but in our own lamplights in our own living rooms; in our  own kitchen dining table lights; we make up all the little starts that light up the heavens, planets are not enough by themselves.

Take comfort in that my dears. None of us are forgotten, even if not widely known about.  I love you and hope this Monday is not a drudge to be slogged through, but just a peaceful day leaning into fall with a cool breeze, an overcast sky, and a paper bag lunch to remind you of those school days gone by.
Sweet day dreams my loves,

Read Riding Hood

The Secret World of Arrietty

Good morning my dears! It is only ten o'clock in the morning, and I have already ventured out into the world and come back to the roost. It is cold, and I am already pondering making some popcorn to accompany me whilst I watch my latest new find: The Secret World of Arrietty. It is based off the children's book "The Borrowers" about little people that live in our houses. You ever wonder where something is that you have misplaced? Well, it probably wasn't misplaced, a Borrower probably "borrowed" it. ....

I still remember watching the 90's movie with John Goodman "The Borrowers." I loved the books as a kid and the movie, and it's a pleasure to be watching this studio Ghibli jewel.

Arrietty is almost 14 and going on her first expedition to "borrow" and along the way is seen by a human boy.

There is a scene where the mother is worrying about Arrietty going on her first outing, and the father says, "she needs to learn to survive once we aren't around anymore." ...

And upon venturing into the big open house, Arrietty wonders out loud, "What is this place?... It's so big?.."  I don't even have to be a two inch tall girl to have asked that question myself looking at the big world around me sometimes. Sometimes it is so easy to feel like just a small speck in this great big world we live in. I like to feel that way sometimes; it can put a lot of things in perspective and simplify things. It makes me feel like a little kid again.

That is one of the things I like most about being a kid, is I can look at things for how they are, not for all the complications I sometimes needlessly add on being an adult.

Have a simply beautiful day all,
Read Riding Hood

The Order of the Phoenix

Hello All!! It is a cloudy, quiet afternoon with the the threat of rain hanging in the air, and I am here just relaxing after my laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping all completed. I believe today I will watch through the last of the Harry Potter films that, up till now, I still have not finished the series in its' entirety. I love all the books and I especially loved the Order of the Phoenix. In a world that is controlled by propaganda media and a society in love with no individual responsibility, I can't help but identify. 

I love what Harry says when addressing the soon to be newly founded Dumbledore's Army, and he's talking about his experience fighting forces of evil,

" I didn't know what I was doing half the time. I nearly always had help. .. Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake, you can just try again tomorrow. But out there...when you're a second away form being murdered..or watching a friend die right before your eyes... You don't know what that's like."

I also like when Professor Lupin says that fear can warp the mind.... That's very true. I myself know that fear is one of the hardest battles to fight. Fear can make people do things and become certain ways that normally they would never be. And it takes maturity and bravery to recognize it and even just acknowledge its' presence and not let it control us. 

So, I've been on my soap box enough for the day, I will never stop rooting for the good. And anymore, sometimes it isn't always black and white telling the good from the bad. Chin up, my dears. 

Sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood 

You've Got Mail

Good late night my darlings, it is a bit late for me to be up and doing anything but be sensible and just try to sleep. But here I am, awake, none the less; and blogging for that matter. The last few days, I have felt the urge to watch an old time favorite of mine that I grew up watching: You've Got Mail, with Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Dave Chapelle, Steve Zahn, and a few other people I don't remember; oh, Yea! And Greg Kinnear. Meg Ryan is the small time bookstore owner, and Tom Hanks is the "price club" of books who is just opening up a new store in the same neighborhood as Meg Ryan's store, threatening to shut down her business.

This whole movie is full of so many sweet truths and the sweet seed of hope. Makes me think of all the endless hours as a child I spent at the Barnes and Noble in the Aurora neighborhood I grew up in. I can't even begin to describe all the lovely bits of this movie without rambling on for hours, and even rambling wouldn't fully get the feeling across for this film. I am a very non-verbal person, always using my hands, my face, and my expressions to tell a lot of my story for me.

This movie was in its' own way, my cult classic I grew up with. As I got older, it got put on the shelf where it collected dust, and I remember having turned twenty-one years old, and I pulled it out to watch, and my life was so different from where it had started and where it ended up at the time and even where it is now, and I remember watching it there, curled up in the corner of a ratty old couch that was my bedroom.... And I felt nothing for it. I didn't even finish it. It was like one of those sub conscience wake up calls, or like my conscience calling me from far away: asking me where did that part of me go that was comfortable just being myself? Where did that girl go that didn't have to act hard all the time? Where did that girl go that even when there wasn't someone else she was interested in romantically, she still had the dream of someone else?... Where did she go? I think that was one of the first poignant self evaluations I had of myself and the former life I was committed to.
I spent four years drifting away from this core classic of myself, and I am happy to say, it only took me two years to fight my way back. One of the emails that Meg Ryan and Joe Fox (tom hanks) share in the beginning epitomizes my sad poor pathetic addiction to Starbucks coffee and makes me laugh at myself thinking there is probably much more truth to what he says than I'd like to expand on, but I'm o.k. just laughing about it and considering it probably really is the truth, and I'm not going to fight it. It's who I am, and I am content with who I am, so why should I feel bad about it?

So, I will leave you with his opinion of people and Starbucks and I now realize it is one o'clock in the morning, so have a peaceful rest of your night.

"The whole reason of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. So, people who don't know what the they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee, but an absolutely defining sense of self."

~Joe Fox- Tom Hanks

And I have to say, the movie ends with Over the Rainbow.... It isn't the version by Iz, but I don't think it existed yet, so the Harry Nilson version just had to suffice in the meantime, and maybe the Iz version did already exist, I just didn't know about it yet.. But I know about it now, and they say when you find the real thing to hold onto it, so I will. And I wish you the same.

The Flintstones Christmas Carrol

Good early morning my dears, it is still night out and admitably too early.. or late (depending on your point of view) to be properly blogging, but here I am regardless of any and all those factoids. Here I am a quarter gallon of ice cream down, two movies played twice over back to back, and just thinking. ...

Anytime I watch these children's movies, I love the cozy and comfortable feeling they possess. I don't know what it is so much that strikes me at my core when I watch them, but the best way to describe it I guess is I love the feeling of "home" I get when I watch children's movies or any holiday flicks I particularly enjoy (example Fred Claus.)

I spend time with family, but I realize I don't hold it in a place in my heart that when I reminisce about fun times, family get togethers pop up to mind. Why? Why don't I, I sincerely ask myself?... I do love my family, and I don't Not like spending time with my family.. So why don't family memories hold higher regard in my inner affections more?...

My aunt asked me if holidays when I was younger were fun, and I replied honestly no. I didn't have much of a social life, I was home schooled (not to say that automatically means I did no social activities) and I really had no lasting friends or typical social grouping with a consistent bunch of people my age, until I was about sixteen years old. So, any family shin dig was painful for me: I was shy, I knew nothing of pop culture or any similar activities to talk about or really do with any of my cousins, I was very self conscience about eating in front of people (not to mention growing up I was raised according to certain religious views not to eat ham/pork, which of course was inevitably the main/second main course of any holiday dinner.) So, summed up, family get togethers as a kid only seemed to confirm to me more so every year how isolated and different from everyone else I was, and I would spend the day rotating between living rooms and bathrooms, trying to sneak out to pet the dogs, and avoiding the kitchen unless I became so hungry I just had to at least pass through for something to drink. Now that I am older, I think how sad that is, I know that for many, the kitchen is a place of warmth and safety, a place of comfort and for family; and, the fact I felt I had to avoid it, makes me realize how blatantly now I see those were the things I was missing. I am not trying to wallow in self-pity nor am I angry at the way I was raised; yes, I recognize now, childhood holidays spent with holidays should not be spent that way, but.. it is what it is, and what it was... And to pull a paragraph from a book I am reading,
           "Of course, as a child, I couldn't see it that way. It was just embarrassing and painful to me- ... I can't tell you how much I hated it..... But now, at least to some extent, I can understand...I'm not saying that it was right. It left me with scars. It was hard for a child. But what's done is done. Don't let it bother you. One good thing it did was to make me tougher. I learned firsthand that it's not easy making your way through this world. ... I'm going to go on living one way or another. I think I can do a better job of it from now on, without such pointless detours.... I don't know what you want to do. Maybe you just want to go on sleeping quietly, without ever waking up again. That's what you should do if you want to. I can't stand in your way if that's what you are hoping for. All I can do is let you go on sleeping. In any case, I wanted to say all this to you- to tell you what I have done so far in life and what I am thinking. Maybe you would have preferred not to hear of this, and if that's the case, I'm sorry to have inflicted it on you. Anyhow, I have nothing more to tell you. I've pretty much said everything I thought I ought to say. I won't bother you anymore. Now you can sleep as much as you want."

Taken from the novel 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami.

So... trying to organize all my thoughts and put them together in a nice, neat package....

I remember not too long ago, I was spending time with the man I fell in love with, the man I am still in love with.. and he was heartbroken he had to spend a holiday from his  family.... And at the time, I didn't understand... My life never had experienced any reason to be hurt and sad to be away from family on a holiday: that was my reality, and like with most "realities" every individual is mistaken in believing their is the true reality... So, what am I saying?....

I told my aunt yesterday, well... more like asked her, "Wow.... I never thought about it that way... What must it be like to feel heartbroken over such a thing?... what must it be like to be torn up about Not being with family for a holiday?...."

And then I answered my own question:  I really do know what that feels like, because that's what it feels like to be away from the one you love.

So, my loves, I hope that whatever family you have or whomever is closest to you, you are granted the wonderful gift to be with them. Some just pray for their dream to happen, and for good to happen, but I hope that you are wise enough to Make it happen: happiness is worked for... and where there is hope there is trial. No, happiness is earned without trial.

All those seemingly simple things like home, warmth, and love that children's movies revolve around may Seem basic, but they are the hardest things to accomplish, and maybe nowadays everyone is too busy grasping at a bigger picture someone handed down to them, they've lost sight of what makes us all tick and why.....

Never forget, I won't, I can't. With much love and sincerity my darlings,

Read Riding Hood

Hunger Games

Well, hello all. I recently watched the Hunger Games. It was good, but as always, I am disappointed that had I not read some of the first novel, I would've been slightly lost and not understood as clearly what exactly was going on. If you haven't had the chance, to either read the book, or see the movie, I would hope you get to read the book and then see the movie. I know that's the cliché thing to say, but really and truly there are poignant moments that the movie would hold so much more meaning for you if you had the original story read first. Such as, how exactly the whole system works of why certain names are put in the lottery more times than others; or what exactly the history is between Katniss and Peter; what exactly the history is with Katniss and her mother. The movie is still watchable without the book, but to me it would come up lacking.

I did like it however. I always like the futuristic aspect that resembles an earlier America era, and this movie somehow combined modern/futuristic fashion and former era fashion style into an interesting textile to watch.

Aside from fashion, the entire idea of children and adolescents being forced to hunt and to kill each other in a "game" the government forces them to participate in....... is genius and terrifying. The fact it felt so realistic, blew my mind. I think I might go so far as to say it is "modernly epic." I am still mulling over this film, and don't have much more to say about it. But! I at least wanted to say it is worth reading and/or watching.

"May the odds be ever in your favor." ..... well, I don't need "odds, " I make my own destiny; and I hope you make yours as well.

Read Riding Hood