Thursday, June 28, 2012

Reading Time With Pickle

I want to watch Joe Somebody. In it Tim Allen gets panic attacks and it reminds me of kind of where I'm at right now. There is a peace to finally finding the end of your rope, because you have three options:

1. Hang there till you drop from exhaustion

2. Climb back up to the top of the rope

3. Or just let go of the rope and end it sooner..

But there's a fourth option people don't hear about very often, just because it is so radically different.

4. Jump to another rope. And start over. The last rope wasn't working for you, so let's do something different.

This fourth option is a lifestyle change, an at home change, a personal (practical) soul change. Just Do not let it change who you are.

I am so used to doing what I've done to cope I barely know anything else. Something as simple as taking a Tylenol PM doesn't cross my mind to help me sleep, because I've always just dealt with no sleep. Last night, however, was the first time I realized that rope of "insomnia" just wasn't working for me anymore. So I changed ropes. I went and got some Tylenol PM, took two. Slept without waking up and got up this morning and advice my old doctor and my therapist told me came to mind. They said there is 4 (or 5?) "S's" to fight depression
1. Sleep
2. Sunshine
3. ....
I don't remember the rest.

But besides that, it made me consider how little simple things help make all the bigger problems smaller too.

So.... I also have trouble eating. And I finally saw the key to that too. Have you ever had someone look up to you? A younger sibling, or family member? A daughter? A son? What if they were struggling to eat? What would you do?.. Personally, I would find the strength to eat to show them, it'll be ok: you have to do all the small basic things like eating and sleeping to help the scarier problems more manageable.

So my darlings, we are comfortable in our safe little nooks, hidden, tucked away in our comfort zones. But try to remember that sometimes those safe rooms we have built for ourselves becomes our prison. Ropes become chains, rather than options.
Weigh every option. And don't ever forget that stopping to get a good night sleep, waking up to sip a cup of joe, and meandering to smell the flowers before launching into battle is sometimes the best medicine.

Check out Joe Somebody. Take care my dears.

-- Desde Mi iSoul

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Strange But True

Hello my darlings a quick thought as I watch stranger than fiction once again.

Did you know that I am afraid of happiness?.. And did you know that although happiness frightens me the finding and then losing of happiness frightens me even more. Like Harold, the protaginist, I hold the ending to my novel, my life. And I finally realize that there are certain situations of fate that are out of my control... And all I can control is how I deal with these circumstances: to stop living is not an option; And, neither is running away. So I come to terms with the tragedy in my life, because as much as I dislike the bad in life, I do understand that to truly enjoy the good in life one must experience the bad as well. So I swallow my tragedy, and face it bravely and scared as hell. No storm lasts forever. It can't. And I comfort myself knowing that if there can be such horrible tragedy in this life, there can only be such wonderful goodness as well. There must be.

So as I am sorry that you must brave the storms of this life, but take comfort knowing there is incredible goodness waiting just ahead (don't ask how I know, I couldn't tell you, I just do know.) There must be. There is.

Hold on my dears. Storms don't last forever.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Addam's Family

My dear fellow bloggers and google surfers, I would hate to disappoint by blogging too often and I wouldn't want to break my tradition of beginning my blog with the occasional typical apology for not blogging on a regular basis. My innermost blogger has been stifled from her blabbing... I have been busy living life. I suddenly have a moment of glorious- beautiful tedious-ness in front of the tv.. And I am absorbing the miracles that have happened in my life.. And finally I am able to look back at every heartbreak and see every curse for the blessing it truly was .. Because all that pain lead me here. And even "here" isn't free of pain, but no one ever said life was going to be easy. There's a Russian proverb that says if you wake up and aren't in pain, you are dead.
It took me a long while to figure out communication is the key to finding peace of mind. I still have to daily figure out what I want and learn how to ask for help to get it.

I am still not good enough to wake up and realize right away what I have slipped into doing, it isually takes me a while to sort it all out- and now, after a million laundry loads later, highway drives, hours of journaling, hours of ignoring, hours of facing facts... I see I am ready to embrace my natural self, minus my crutches.. Minus my baggage. For myself. For my peace of mind. For just getting comfortable with who I am and for not going to waste any more time trying to be something or someone else.
I am always humbled by myself. Right when I think I couldn't feel any older, I get kicked down a notch and reminded I am still young and learning to be comfortable with myself.
I watched The Adams Family the other day and it made me feel good because it made me feel better about my quirky, weird eccentricities. Who cares if the whole world thinks I'm odd or weird?.. I like myself:) And if anyone else happens to like me too ... Well that's just an added bonus miracle. *sigh of peace*

So my darlings, honesty is the best policy: beginning with yourself. You're strange. Get over it:) I already did, and am now going back to my tedious tv-ness and going to zone out. La-dee-da.

-- Desde Mi iSoul