Thursday, January 14, 2016

Cat In The Hat... Nigel Strawberry..... Bleh bleh bleh....

Hello my dears, 

 it seems as the faster time moves for me, the less I write. I used to write to fill the time- to fill the silent void- or to silence the demons in my head. And now..... writing would be because I actually want to write.. 

And I do want to write. And I do want to read my books. And I do want to paint and draw and watercolor and sew plushies and watch movies. 

Let me tell you a story.. 

It's about a little girl who grew up sheltered from the world... All she knew was what she grew up with. She never went to public school. She never really had "normal" friends and relationships. All she had were her books- her movies- her sister- her imagination- her sadness- her self. She had been told that the world was evil and not safe and corrupting and that you "had to be careful." And yet, with all that- she always looked at other people out and about and some of them seemed happy- and she wanted that for herself- she felt strange and weird- she felt like an outsider- and she would see other children- and then teenagers as she got older- hanging out together- laughing together- experiencing life together- and she was still alone- laughing alone- crying alone.....
Reflecting on herself- she realized she spent all her time with books and movies- inanimate objects- they couldn't laugh and cry with her- they couldn't see her- interact with her- they were just .....things... And she became angry and frustrated.. and she threw all them aside  because she felt they were keeping her from living her life. 
So, she went out in search of this "life" she felt she wasn't living.. and she tried to be like everyone else- do what other people did... at first it was exciting and new, but the more she tried to be happy like everyone else- the sadder and even more alone she felt- because the more she realized she was trying to be something she wasn't. The whole time she had been trying to be someone else- rather than herself... 
It took a lot of heartbreak... and a lot of heartache to find herself- to find honesty- and like herself.... to be happy with who she was.... 

I'd like to tell you the story has a happy ending... but that's the funny thing about real life.... It doesn't end until we die... and until we die... it's never just a "happy ending." There will be hardship and struggles and pain... but there will also be love and beauty and happiness. 

The story isn't over yet. The girl grew into  a woman and is still living her life- finding herself- creating herself- creating art- because she is art- and life is an art.

It's funny to me how all she wanted to do was have a "real life." And the whole time she had no idea that she had been living her real life the whole time- SHE was the only one who couldn't see it for the longest time. 

I never would wish heartache on anyone- I only wish good things for you all my dears... But I know life has a way of handing out heartache no matter what. But I wish you to hold on. I have weathered enough storms to know they don't last forever- storms have an end. because time never stops moving forward. I know it's not easy to hold on. I know it isn't, but if we didn't keep trying- we will never know if it will get better. And it will- it may take a while- but that's life- that's art. 

goodnight my loves. 

create some art. make something beautiful . 

Read Riding Hood

Saturday, December 5, 2015

So many movies... so little time

     So..... i haven't blogged in a while. I am tired. I am probably just lazy. How hard can it be to just open a vein and bleed onto the keyboard my inner thoughts?.... I wish it was easier. I have watched a lot of new movies... new to me- probably not new to everyone else. They are movies from the 80's and 90's- christmas cartoons- children's cartoons- teen flicks- things I missed out on growing up. I watched and rematched them a million times now. Stuff like the Munsters (which is much older than the 80's...) but like I don't know.... a whole bunch of stuff.

The more time passes by though... the more I realize my life is getting away from me. About the time I feel sorted out.... something happens to make me feel like I really had no grasp on everything at all.
I was talking with a coworker about all the people that have come and go at my job... and then a certain name of a certain missed person popped up. And my coworker just simply said he misses him...... well, I miss him too.

Is life ever really sorted out without love?
I am going to go watch my Munsters Christmas special and be sad, because that's what i feel like doing. and tomorrow I hope I feel better. and I know I may not feel better. but i will soldier on. That's what I seem to be best at- surviving. I'm not really good at living. I'm just really good at surviving.
at some point I would like to live- not just survive. That is my goal.

goodnight  .

read riding hood

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

My Silver Lining Playbook

Good evening my dears, usually I write about a movie or such, but today I wanted to share a poem I wrote about/to my departed car. I know it is just a "thing," but my cars hold a lot of sentimental value to me. I depend on them for so much, it seems I get attached to them. So, here it is... it started out as a journal entry and I felt like sharing it.

my poor baby Honda Civic- I donated it today to military families in need-it will be a tax write off.

I took out all the air freshers-

the ice cup

the starbucks cup

the cat tails

the fake poppy

the high heels

the lint roller(s)

the basketball

my sunglasses

my bags for goodwill

my seashells

It was quite a few little nothings

that meant a whole lot of everyone thing


upon a time-

a broken pregnant sad little girl's cars' engine welded together
leaving her

family leant her a hand so
she could
get to work
keep her job-her benefits-
her chin up

she got her silver lining-
and it carried her through quite a few
things. ...:
across states-
to the rescue-

goodbye my silver lining-

i hope you will be someone else's silver lining-

i know you will-

you took care of me, when
I needed it the most.

take care of my ghosts will you?

I'll miss them something one fierce

as I will you.

you lit up my night sky

at its' darkest pointe.

i will always love you.

always, my silver lining.

we'll always have the river.


read riding hood

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Song of the Sea

It is getting late... well, late for me anyway, my loves. It is almost nine o'clock, past my bedtime, and I am up trying to watch the last half of this soulful little film- Song of the Sea.

This animation is by the same people that did The Secret of Kells, a film by Tom Moore. It seems so long ago that I reviewed that film. .....  but I remember it like yesterday... It was a warm spring day, the window was open to let a breeze in, and my laptop was resting on my stomach...... I remember it felt so melancholy... It felt like one of those lemon yellow days of spring that seem frozen in time, that never seem to end, that feel as if a week worth of time was spread in the space of eight hours of daylight.

So much has changed since then.... with me... and I can tell with the production studio as well... I remember the Secret of Kells had beautiful animation, but I yearned for a meatier plot and script. ....

well, This Song of the Sea proves the studio has matured and blossomed, and created a, not only beautiful gallery of animation, but put forth a satisfactory offering of story and characters.

The story takes place in Ireland.

It is about a brother and sister on an adventure, and about selkies... If you don't know what a selkie is, it's like the irish myth version of mermaids. [Another popular story of selkies is Ondine- an old classic recently made into a film with Colin Ferrell.]

I really don't  want to delve much more into the plot, it is rather simple, but it is compelling and worth the attention, and if you have the time, this is a pleasant way to spend an hour and half enjoying this children's film. Simply perfect.

I am sleepy and dozing off, I wish you all a good night, and to all..... (of course) a good night<3

with sweet dreams,

Read Riding Hood

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


Hello, my dears… I am sitting enjoying a perfect noon breeze at the river and pondering the last movie I watched late last night. It was Interstellar directed by Christopher Nolan who also directed Inception and the latest Batman trilogy with actor Christian Bale cast as Batman. 

If there are two things that Christopher Nolan is good at, it is 
  1. creating thought provoking material
  2. leaving you with a question. 

I had no idea until I watched it what this movie was about, I only recognized the recently released blu-ray cover image. 
It Begins with the Earth dying: the crops are slowly failing one by one… We have advanced technologically, and yet now we have lost our ability to create organic food/farm. Former astronaut, Cooper (Mattew McConaughey) leaves NASA to return to his father-in-laws farm with his two children to run it. While having a discussion on the porch, Cooper states, “Well, we used to look up to the sky and wonder at our place in the stars… Now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt.”

I don’t know how to describe this movie to you… it is about finding other planets to call home… it is about love… it is about science and quantum physics and a spiritual force “they” that seems to somehow be everywhere. … it 
It is probably not everyones cup of tea…. It leaves you grasping at details, the script is littered with scientific probability- all Christopher Nolan trademarks… Another difference feeling wise between this and Inception is the pace of the movie. Interstellar drags- it patiently-methodically takes one step after another towards its’ conclusion- slow and steady. Partly this is because the plot of the movie twists time and space- with relativity and spanning decades in certain parts where only minutes and hours passed elsewhere. As a bigger picture- it is pure genius… and pure torture. How true that both go hand in hand. 

I can’t really talk much about the plot, without giving a lot of it away, so I will let you attempt to watch it… But I will leave you with the largest thing I took away from this movie. 
I watched this movie with my recently married cousin, who is an avid movie lover like myself. He has an awesome tv and sound system all set up in their cozy new apartment and I sat down not sure what to expect from this movie. But as the minutes ticked by and I fell deeper and deeper in love with it, I realized something profound, that may sound so simple but to me has taken me till now to get… 
I always thought that I could make people love something if I loved it… Isn’t that a universal struggle? The wanting to be understood and of others acceptance of our lives and our tastes?  
This movie is really wonderful. I love it. I want to buy it for everyone so they can watch it and see and appreciate all the beauty in it that I see and feel in it… But I realized… we aren’t all on the same path… we are all at different points of our lives…. we all have things-books-people-movies-places that are speaking to each and everyone of us individually at this time in our life… And no matter how much this movie means to me, someone else may not be able to appreciate it because they are at a different point in their own life story… And for once I am in Love with That… That being points and places that other people including you dear reader will experience this feeling- this emotion of passion and wonder-especially(!) not for this same movie and for similar things- but for  opposite things and anything and something else right now in your life that speaks to your soul like this movie did to mine. 
I want to tell you to enjoy every  moment of that- whatever it is that fills you with wonder and amazement… Whatever makes you feel inspired and makes your mind come alive- go after that- It  is a beautiful and amazing feeling- gravity can cross time and space- and so can love. It never goes away. It is always there…. a wormhole- a sphere in this 2D image of time, keeping us grounded and connected to what matters in our lives. 

Never stop looking to the stars my loves. 


Read Riding Hood 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Into the Woods

Hello my dears,

True to my word here I am to tell you about an awesome movie- Into The Woods.

O.k. I haven't even finished it... Ive barely started it... and I wish to tell you a little bit about myself first.

O.k. When I started this blog, I didn't know I was an artist.. I didn't know who or what I was.. other than lost and alone. I just spent my days remembering and pining away... for what?... lost love, wanted love... happiness... lost in melancholy.  

How much I've changed since then.

And I go from watching Spongebob to Into the Woods... In that aspect I haven't changed. I can be a child one moment, a woman the next.

And I am happy to say I am watching Into the Woods, a musical based off some fairy tales all entwined together..... My most powerful impression- Meryl Streep. The woman is a bonafide genius.

So, excuse me, I am going back to finish this amazing awesomeness.

Sincerely, apologetically,

Read Riding Hood

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Spongebob SquarePants Movie

Hello my dears,

at this point, I don't know of anyone that follows my blog.. and sometimes I seriously ask myself who exactly it is that I'm writing to... And I guess, I feel like even if no one is reading this right now, for some reason, I just like knowing it is out there, that if randomly anyone comes across this and needs it, it is there. It's out there. It's out there to be found.

So, my dears,

here I am again blogging about.... Spongebob..... and not even the most recent film, I am talking about the first movie that came out some years earlier.  It is about Mr. Krabs who is opening a second Krusty Krab 2 restaurant, and Spongebob thinks he will get promoted to the new manager. I'm sure I can't ruin this movie for you, because the odds you will go out and watch this is very low.... I realize it is not a sophisticated adult film. It.... is a kids movie full of the subtle hidden innuendo etc.... BUT just in case, I won't say anything else to ruin it for you.

I used to watch more adult movies and they depressed me a lot... like... a lot. And I realize the more I blog, how I revert more and more to watching kids movies. They are simple. They .... yea. Are just simple.

 Now I'm not saying there don't come along adult movies I enjoy.. hmmmm.... I need to set some goals here to review some of those adult movies... Because there have been some recently that are very worthy of a review. ....

But ANYWAY back to Spongebob..
ya know what I love so much about Spongebob?
Other than he's a cute little sponge that lives.... in Bikini Bottom?... in a pineapple...... and has a best friend who is a starfish....

He is a goofy goober.

 He is just himself. and he cares about his work. He takes so much pride in it, it's ridiculous. He is passionate about what he does.... he is so innocently residing in the "adult world." He tries to bring out the child in the pessimistic grouchy Squidward tentacles.

Spongebob can get drunk off ice-cream.... That is an awesome quality.

and yet, there are still some pretty serious elements to Spongebob that is not light and fluffy.. Like King Neptune is convinced that Mr. Krabs stole his crown and is going to roast Mr. Krabs for it. ... Well, I don't know about you, but roasting someone with a fiery trident isn't really kid material... When I think about it, it makes me a bit queasy.. (and you're thinking, geez, if that makes her queasy, what does some of the stuff on the news do to her.... yea, it makes me crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head... but anyway, back to spongebob).....

Spongebob's first movie deals with elements like good work ethic, and compassion, and being comfortable with who you are and finding that inner strength you sometimes have to dig deep for.
Dont' underestimate the value of Spongebob's message... and even if you don't think you can glean anything substantial from it, maybe at least you could just get a laugh out of it. It makes me giggle- and who doesn't need a giggle?

So, have a good night, have a giggle on me- and sweet dreams my little fishies.

Read Riding Hood