Cat In The Hat... Nigel Strawberry..... Bleh bleh bleh....

Hello my dears, 

 it seems as the faster time moves for me, the less I write. I used to write to fill the time- to fill the silent void- or to silence the demons in my head. And now..... writing would be because I actually want to write.. 

And I do want to write. And I do want to read my books. And I do want to paint and draw and watercolor and sew plushies and watch movies. 

Let me tell you a story.. 

It's about a little girl who grew up sheltered from the world... All she knew was what she grew up with. She never went to public school. She never really had "normal" friends and relationships. All she had were her books- her movies- her sister- her imagination- her sadness- her self. She had been told that the world was evil and not safe and corrupting and that you "had to be careful." And yet, with all that- she always looked at other people out and about and some of them seemed happy- and she wanted that for herself- she felt strange and weird- she felt like an outsider- and she would see other children- and then teenagers as she got older- hanging out together- laughing together- experiencing life together- and she was still alone- laughing alone- crying alone.....

Reflecting on herself- she realized she spent all her time with books and movies- inanimate objects- they couldn't laugh and cry with her- they couldn't see her- interact with her- they were just .....things... And she became angry and frustrated.. and she threw all them aside  because she felt they were keeping her from living her life. 

So, she went out in search of this "life" she felt she wasn't living.. and she tried to be like everyone else- do what other people did... at first it was exciting and new, but the more she tried to be happy like everyone else- the sadder and even more alone she felt- because the more she realized she was trying to be something she wasn't. The whole time she had been trying to be someone else- rather than herself... 

It took a lot of heartbreak... and a lot of heartache to find herself- to find honesty- and like herself.... to be happy with who she was.... 

I'd like to tell you the story has a happy ending... but that's the funny thing about real life.... It doesn't end until we die... and until we die... it's never just a "happy ending." There will be hardship and struggles and pain... but there will also be love and beauty and happiness. 

The story isn't over yet. The girl grew into  a woman and is still living her life- finding herself- creating herself- creating art- because she is art- and life is an art.

It's funny to me how all she wanted to do was have a "real life." And the whole time she had no idea that she had been living her real life the whole time- SHE was the only one who couldn't see it for the longest time. 

I never would wish heartache on anyone- I only wish good things for you all my dears... But I know life has a way of handing out heartache no matter what. But I wish you to hold on. I have weathered enough storms to know they don't last forever- storms have an end. because time never stops moving forward. I know it's not easy to hold on. I know it isn't, but if we didn't keep trying- we will never know if it will get better. And it will- it may take a while- but that's life- that's art. 

goodnight my loves. 

create some art. make something beautiful . 

sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood

Jumanji

Good Monday afternoon my dears, I know it is dreaded Monday, but I am actually off of work today and hope to share the positive vibes with you all.

I know I haven't blogged in a while. A lot of things on my mind. A lot. And one of the recent things on my mind, of course, is the death of Robin Williams. Yes, I know it seems like everyone is going on about it, and there are other people dying every day as well..... it's just .... this is a human being we all knew.... at some point we all laughed and cried with. Mr. Williams was a man that shared laughter with the world when his own heart was aching and even with fame remained humble and kind. I will miss him terribly and all the movies I looked forward to seeing him in for the years to come.

I am thinking of all the other people that pass away and none of us really pay attention to. Like in the book, The Fault in our Stars,  Hazel wonders  at how so many die every day, but only very few are widely remembered. And when Hazel is in Amsterdam and visits Anne Frank's house, she sees a book with a list of all the names of everyone like Anne lost in the Holocaust; and Hazel thinks that it would be possible to remember every human that passes away in history, if only each individual would remember three other's names.  On the list below Anne Frank, there are three different "Aron Frank"s.... and Hazel wonders who they were and about their families......

I think of all the people I know.... from my past.... lovers... friends... acquaintances...... bosses... coworkers..boyfriends... strangers.... authors.... actors......I remember many more than just three.... We all do..... And I realize just when I start to think the little people get lost in the ambiguity of it all... I realize, none of us do.. Because there is At Least one person out there that will remember you... and will remember me, and odds are there is more than one that will remember you and me... so, we all do live on, maybe not in the limelight like people like Robin Williams, but in our own lamplights in our own living rooms; in our  own kitchen dining table lights; we make up all the little starts that light up the heavens, planets are not enough by themselves.

Take comfort in that my dears. None of us are forgotten, even if not widely known about.  I love you and hope this Monday is not a drudge to be slogged through, but just a peaceful day leaning into fall with a cool breeze, an overcast sky, and a paper bag lunch to remind you of those school days gone by.
Sweet day dreams my loves,

Read Riding Hood

Penelope

Good Sunday afternoon everyone! It is a pleasant enough day, and I am just bursting to tell you about this movie I watched yesterday. It is a glorious and wonderful and sweet and .... odd... and of course cheesy.
 It is called Penelope.

It is about a girl born into a family that is cursed. Any girl born into the family will be born with a pig nose until the curse can be broken by marrying into high society.
For many generations, only male heirs were born... But down the line just about the time everyone has forgotten about the curse, Penelope arrives.. and of course, with the pig snout. Her mother does everything in her power to protect her from the paparazzi and keeps her locked away from any nosy reporters. By the time Penelope is of age, her mother arranges for suitable male suitors to be interviewed to be engaged with Penelope in hopes to end the curse. The boys are not allowed to see Penelope right away, until they have been briefed on how much they will inherit upon becoming engaged. But... "unfortunately" upon seeing Penelope's snout, they all run as far from her as they can. ....

Until one day, due to circumstances, one suitor does not run away.

So begins the venturing out into the world for Penelope.
and brace yourself, I am about to supply spoilers.

She asks the suitor who doesn't run away to marry her and break the curse.... But you see,  unbeknownst to Penelope, he knows he isn't of suitable lineage to break the curse and tells her he can't... "marry her," is the assumption. So, Penelope heartbroken runs away from home to explore the world, and in turn, when he realizes she is chasing her dreams, he is inspired himself to find his place in the world, as well.

They end up finding their places in the world, and they find their ways back to each other.

And I love it most because she realizes, she doesn't need someone to marry her to break the curse, she likes herself just the way she is.

*sigh*  I love that. I wish every girl, every woman to realize, they don't need a man to "save" them.

Every person is capable of finding their place in the world, finding themselves. And also finding love. Because, as everyone knows, finding themselves and finding love are two different things. Sometimes the timing of love is off... and has to be put on the back burner while busy getting oneself in order.... but true love finds its' way, in it's own time.

So have faith my darlings.  Love will find its' way. I know it. I promise it will. I would never promise something I don't believe in. Everything will be ok. I know it.

Have a good night my dears.

Sincerely,
Read Riding Hood

The Secret World of Arrietty

Good morning my dears! It is only ten o'clock in the morning, and I have already ventured out into the world and come back to the roost. It is cold, and I am already pondering making some popcorn to accompany me whilst I watch my latest new find: The Secret World of Arrietty. It is based off the children's book "The Borrowers" about little people that live in our houses. You ever wonder where something is that you have misplaced? Well, it probably wasn't misplaced, a Borrower probably "borrowed" it. ....

I still remember watching the 90's movie with John Goodman "The Borrowers." I loved the books as a kid and the movie, and it's a pleasure to be watching this studio Ghibli jewel.

Arrietty is almost 14 and going on her first expedition to "borrow" and along the way is seen by a human boy.

There is a scene where the mother is worrying about Arrietty going on her first outing, and the father says, "she needs to learn to survive once we aren't around anymore." ...

And upon venturing into the big open house, Arrietty wonders out loud, "What is this place?... It's so big?.."  I don't even have to be a two inch tall girl to have asked that question myself looking at the big world around me sometimes. Sometimes it is so easy to feel like just a small speck in this great big world we live in. I like to feel that way sometimes; it can put a lot of things in perspective and simplify things. It makes me feel like a little kid again.

That is one of the things I like most about being a kid, is I can look at things for how they are, not for all the complications I sometimes needlessly add on being an adult.

Have a simply beautiful day all,
Read Riding Hood

Ted

So, let me start this off by saying Ted, is my "Eat, Pray, Love" for this point in my life. ....  And maybe that sounds like a weird thing to say, but let me explain.....

Up till now I have put off seeing this movie Ted, because I knew the summary was, "can a guy grow up past his childhood teddy bear and become a man?..." and .. I wasn't ready to confront that question. Movies really affect me and oddly enough I almost feel superstitious about them... like the ones I end up watching are trying to tell me something and having confessed that, I didn't want to watch this movie and have it warp me. I didn't want to watch it and it have some wimpy "feel good" ending that was out of touch with the harsh reality of life I am familiar with.. But on the other hand, I didn't want it to have some jaded "pessimistic" ending either...... Seriously.... I need .. I needed and I need something in the middle.... Yes, there is harsh reality in life, but there are feel good moments too.. and up to this point in my life, it has only been either one far end of the spectrum or the other, either too "happy go lucky" or just "horrible."... But there has been one moment in my life that wasn't extreme polar opposites and it was something that just snuck up on me and ..ever since  then I've been trying to find my balance again;  I fell in love. Not infatuation. Not obsession. Not a love affair, that "i love you" was unspoken and realized until too late..... No, I fell in real love... The kind of love,  you tell them every chance you get; the kind of love you show up just to surprise them; the kind of love you let them go; the kind of love where you don't have to explain yourself.... The kind of love that it doesn't matter what you could possibly say or do, you will still love that other person.
How does one recover some such wonder? There is no recovering. And afterwards I have been struggling between the old me, the girl used to only highs and lows, and becoming the woman that is confident and not teetering on the edge constantly. I have just felt like a pin ball bouncing back and forth from pessimism back to optimism.... and talking with a counselor, she told me I'm not the only one who goes through this. Lots of people think if life doesn't hand them exactly "this and this and this" well, then they bounce back to the opposite end of the spectrum... I
don't know..

So, I finally watched this movie. Ted. By myself. and it was exactly what I needed. a happy medium in-between.
Ted is a teddy bear given as a gift to a friendless little boy. The little boy makes a wish that they would be friends forever, and the bear comes to life and remains his best friend as he grows up into adulthood.
The whole movie is everyone trying to find that "somewhere in-between place."
The boy/man played by Mark Walberg is trying to find balance between still being a little kid and being the man who loves his girlfriend.
The girlfriend is trying to find what makes her happy despite everyone else's opinion of her life and at the same time figuring out what she isn't willing to live with.
And Ted, is trying to figure out where he belongs in the picture and even wonders if he belongs in the picture at all anymore.

 Every single one of them does the pin ball action.

The boy/man decides it's either Ted or his girlfriend...
The girlfriend decides it's either her or Ted,
 and Ted decides, it's either himself or the girlfriend...

All their similar decisions all add up to, choosing one over the other...

But that's so extreme. ....
Working through all the issues, the guy realizes he does love his girlfriend and wants to take responsibility and marry her,
Ted realizes he still needs to be in the guys life, but as a better supportive friend, and
the girlfriend realizes she loves the guy for who he is, and while she doesn't just want to be friends, she realizes the friendship her boyfriend has with Ted is a part of who the man she loves is, and she doesn't want that part of the man she loves to go away... if Ted went away, her boyfriend wouldn't be the same person she loved in the first place........  

So, they all find a realistic happy, but not perfect, medium that works for them
(notice I said works for them... not everyone else... they found the solution that works for them..)


And that is me, right now... I know what I want, and everything else is just a part of it that will work itself all into place as long as I do what's right for me, because when I do what's right for me, the people that matter around me will do what's right for themselves and it will all fall into place.... And it will just work in it's happy-medium/but-not-perfect sort of way...

I heard this thing once that at the time I didn't quite understand, but now makes perfect sense.

"We are all just one small adjustment away from who we are meant to be."

At the time, I didn't understand... but now I do.
When one path reaches a "dead-end" I used to think my whole life had to go down an entirely different road; I thought I would have to go either right or left... I had to go either up or down.... But in reality, it isn't about finding "up" or "down..." It's about me finding what works, finding hidden passages, making stairs that change to where I need them to go, forging dirt roads and repaving old turn arounds and just taking mindful steps to where is right for myself and letting everything else fall into place.. ...It's about finding a comfortable balance between up and down, not Exact middle either, just a grey place in-between the black and white of this world; it's finding that grey area that if I hit it just right, I will find that silver lining that will shine through when I need it to.
I know now that silver linings are like butterflies.... I don't always see them, and trying to pin them down only kills them. But when I let them be free, the ones that are meant to be come back to alight on my shoulder when I least expect it. Silver linings are like rainbows, they're pointless to chase, I just have to have faith that if I pay attention, they'll be there after the rain has stopped.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Hello my dear fellow bloggers and readers and instagramers and anyone else who meanders through here; it is officially the new year of 2014, the Chinese year of the horse. I always like this feeling at the beginning of the new year, like a fresh new breeze is blowing through, almost like I can sense the new possibilities awaiting me in the coming year. I lived for so long in a rut, just staying the same.. But now I have a taste for change; it may not always be what I was expecting or be something I would ever ask for, but sometimes it ends up being better and more satisfying than anything I could have imagined or asked for in the first place.

I am back to taking myself to the movies alone. Of course it isn't as satisfying as it would be to go with someone else, but there are times in life I will be by myself and it is always a comfort to know I can be "alright" alone; I am not dependent on the presence of someone else for me to be "alright." *sigh* So, I took myself to see Frozen and despite there being much more singing than I anticipated, I enjoyed it. I don't know if I mentioned going and seeing it by myself, but I  guess I'll tell you again anyway.

I also went with my little cousin to go see the Secret Life of Walter Mitty with Ben Stiller, and I absolutely Adored it. Ben Stiller is the man as he merges into actually living an adventurous life rather than just day dreaming about it. In the midst of the movie you realize he was adventurous as a kid, but after the death of his father, he had to step up as the man of the family and take on the responsibility of earning a reliable income to take care of all the bills….. And finally as a grown man, he is learning when it's ok. to venture out of the guidelines and actually live life and not just hold back worrying "what if."
I am hoping to get to that point one day. I want to get to where I am established enough that when I want to go out and travel somewhere I can and not be worried that I am jeopardizing my other necessities.

This past year, I purged a lot of my old dvd's and sold them to clean out my old cluttered energy. Some of the movies that were still special to me I went and repurchased as blu-rays, but after looking at my repurchases, I realize how few I truly valued enough to re-buy…. And now that I am more choosy about what new things I buy, I see how I have changed…. I realize a lot of my old movies I owned were due to other people's suggestions and likes. I had a lot of films popular and liked by a lot of the people around me; pop culture faves, popular hits, etc.  Almost all of them now are no longer occupying space on my shelves…. I cleared them all out and they are gone. Looking at the ones that remain and now take up the space really create a clear picture of myself… None of these movies are movies that were influenced by other people, the movies on my shelf now are movies that I was curious about and went and looked for watched because I, Myself, wanted to see them, not because someone else told me they were good or great… The movies I own now are all my taste. Some of the old titles I owned resurfaced in the repurchase pile, but there are not very many. Looking at my new found personal taste, I realize none of the movies I watch are necessarily the movies with great box office reviews or backed by popular vote. I also realize I watch A Lot of kids movies. I have to wonder if I'm learning to be a kid I never really got to be, and if I am, I really believe it's helping me to be a better adult. At least I hope it is, I'd like to believe it's helping me be more compassionate and understanding and not as pessimistic of others around me, because I'm allowing myself to be that way towards my own self.
The newest addition to my shelf was the 80's pop culture hit of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It is a cheesy 80's film and simple and I love it.



That's another trait I have realized I love about anything, that doesn't even necessarily apply to movies, but to life in general as well; I love simple things, I don't need anything big or flashy or the hottest name brand, I just like what I like and it's usually simple and plain and with that I am content. How lucky am I to be able to know what I like and to be content with that?… I wish all the same for you, my dear reader. Have a beautiful day, look up and appreciate the blue sky or the clouds you see today when you do.

with much affection,
Read Riding Hood

Despicable Me 2

Good early afternoon, my dears, it felt like a bright, crisp spring day today, even though christmas is a week and a few days away. I suddenly realized how much I love the feeling of spring, of freshness, of new beginnings. I love it so dearly. And this last month, I have had to go to doctor and "airrosti" appointments (they are sort of like a form of chiropractic therapy….) and I've been sore and cranky and depressed, and I got out today after my doctor appointment, and I went to my beautiful river and just relaxed and enjoyed nature in peace. I love soaking in the hot sun with a chilly breeze.



Last night I couldn't sleep so I put on my computer the second installment of Despicable Me… and fell asleep within the first twenty minutes. LoL Not because it isn't cute, funny, and sweet… but because the first twenty minutes  made me laugh so hard, I just drifted off to sleep smiling from happiness.



I remember when the first D.M. was out in theaters, I was pregnant and I took my growing self alone atleast three times to the movie theater to watch it. You'd think it would give me nightmares that someone like Gru is capable of adopting, but instead that never crossed my mind. What was on my mind, was my growing baby, and how I suddenly decided that before my pregnancy I hadn't really enjoyed going to see children's movies in seemingly forever, and it wasn't too late to start then… So, what did I do? I went see Despicable Me three times.

I never went to see this Despicable Me 2 in the theaters, but I did buy it, and I'm glad I did. I love the crazy imagination of this story, I love Steve Carrel, and I love the softy Gru is and how much he loves those little girls.  If you like children's movies, you should give this one a try, it is pretty cute. I hope you all have a light and fresh afternoon.

Sincerely,
Read Riding Hood

Silver Linings Playbook

Well, my dear readers, I feel like an inspired breathing machine blogging away (almost) every day about something I've watched or been watching. I have had a busy work weekend and today I got off work and instead of just going home to fall into my unmade up bed and snooze my life away, I decided to get cleaned up, grab my computer and journal, and shtuff and go sit at Barnes and Nobles bookstore like I used to all the time and just chill with my headphones on and watch a movie, write some if I wanted, maybe read if something caught my eye. I got Starbucks and a lemon bar, plugged my computer in, plugged the headphones in and zoned out. For some reason I had the urge lately to watch the movie Silver Linings Playbook. I don't know why, I loved the book and really didn't want to watch the movie that I knew would be altered in some way from the book and have it ruin my perfect imagination of how I imagined the story to have been. But this past week I had the urge none the less, and so I just rolled with the feeling, got the movie, downloaded the digital copy yesterday, and so today as I scrolled through my iTunes movies, I saw it there and rolled right into it ……. and loved every minute of it.
The dude, I don't know if I remember it right, (Gary Cooper?…) well anyway, the main guy… he is perfect in this. I am so used to seeing him as the "cool/put together" guy that to see him as this guy that was formally undiagnosed bipolar trying to deal with his issues and failed marriage and family issues all at the same time, made him instantly endearing to me. Oh. my God. Freaking endearing. And Jennifer Lawrence, she is amazing as well. I know some people didn't like the movie, they felt there were too many holes in the plot, and that is very possible, because since my brain could have just been filling in the holes automatically with all the story plot from the book, I was able to just focus on the deliverance and presentation of the feeling behind this story and it touched me. It's about being honest and wanting to be a good person, and finding silver linings in life. Being honest is a huge part about this movie, and I loved it. Loved it loved it  loved it. Ya know, I usually have a good sense of whether I will like a movie or not, and lately I have started to analyze why I take forever to watch certain movies that I end up loving… And I think I have this complex that, since I know I will love it, I want to hold onto that anticipation as long as possible, because as soon as I watch it, I will be sad it is over and I will already be worried if I will find stories in my future that will make me feel as emotionally content as that, and I am afraid of not finding any more fulfillment.  Summarized, I am afraid of loving and letting go. Because once the movie ends, I have to get up, continue on with my day, go through all the motions, and still have the hope that I will find another movie in the future that will make me feel complete again. I love feeling the reassurance that movies give me, that can be a mirror to things I feel, so I am reassured that I'm not alone. But then there is always the fear, that I won't find that reassurance again.
It's like being in a relationship, actions keep love alive. And there is always that fear, that one day, there won't be any actions to keep that love alive.

And I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I'm already lost. But whatever. I loved this movie. Because in the end, of the book and the movie, they figure out that accepting yourself and forgiving yourself lets you accept and forgive others…. that taking care of yourself teaches you how to take care of others…. that loving yourself, you learn how to love someone else and that doing what's right for you let's everything else around you just fall into place where it should be.

with that, goodnight all, I am done rambling. I am going to sleep well and wish you all the same.

Love,
Read Riding Hood

Warm Bodies

It is very early my loves, I am off to a fresh start this day and the next few days. I just wanted to tell you that recently I watched this movie called Warm Bodies. It's a zombie movie, but it's about how a certain zombie falls in love with a still human girl.
The first day I put it on to watch, I was in a particularly pessimistic mood, and not really interested in anything. But after mentioning the movie to someone in a negative light, I suddenly felt like I was being a negative nancy (someone I never really want to be…) So, I am sitting here, picking up where I left off to finish this movie and not be a negative nancy (a wet blanket, a jaded female, a party popper…)… And I find myself becoming a total goober. He turns back into human by the end, and he gets shot and starts bleeding…. And the girl says, "He's bleeding…. He's Alive!. .. He's Alive!"……

And at the end he is monologuing and says, "every great thing starts out scary doesn't it?…"… and that's true…. I find it's easier to be a negative nancy than a positive polly, but it Feels so much better to be a positive polly. And I'm glad that I came back to this film to finish it. It has sincerity and heart to it, just give it a chance. I hope you all have a beautiful day, no matter what happens in it.

sincerely,
Read Riding Hood

Scrooged

Good evening my lovelies, another beautiful day. Today is Veteran's Day, and I wanted to make sure and thank all of you veteran's for you service. If it wasn't for you all, I would not enjoy the freedom to have this wonderful blog platform and every free day of my life.

I have things I want to say today, but I get lost in how to say them, I guess.  I partly blog as a form of therapy, I feel better talking about things, and I like to flatter myself and think that maybe it gives help/hope to at least one other person, and that makes it all worth it.

Ya know, about a year ago, I needed "help." Like… "professional" help… not like I was psycho, but like, I had depression, and I needed to reach out and get help. And unfortunately,  instead of taking care of myself, I let it go until I was such a mess, I made a mess around myself as well. And luckily I had people to help me, but there were things that other people couldn't help me with either; example: taking those steps to help myself. I had people get me to the hospital, but then upon leaving the hospital, I had to find a way home. I learned some valuable lessons, including the lesson, that others can "help" me get better, but  I Myself have to put in the work, no one else. No one can be responsible for my health and well being except myself. And just the other day I learned that in life I will find people like family and people I love that  we will be "responsible to" but the only one we are responsible "for" is our own personal self. This is a fairly new concept for me, but it makes sense, and in as much as it feels like a lonely place of taking on responsibility, there is freedom. Because in taking responsibility for myself, I cannot put the blame on anyone or anything for my unhappiness and at the end of the day I can decide my happiness.

And on that note, I decided I needed to go out of the comfort bubble I have created for myself and begin to do some spontaneous things like I used to. That's all I used to do, was spontaneous stuff, so much so, that the important things I would bypass on my search for the constant different next thing. Well, the last three years, and this last year especially have been no small learning curve on my road to finding a happy medium between spontaneity and punctual routine-age-ness.. (yes, I just created a word there….)

so… What was my spontaneity this week?… Deciding to finally splurge on a $12.99 blu-ray of an eighties hit I've always wanted to see, but just never took the chance on it: Scrooged. Starring Bill Murray, it is a Total 80's Film. I am now old enough to appreciate cheesy costumes, eighties humor, and some strange story lines; and this Christmas Carol adaptation happily satisfied my craving for something different. The cute but spirited Christmas present fairy smacks Scrooge's cheek and tells him,  "Oh, sometimes the truth is painful…..but it's made your cheeks all rosy and your eyes bright as stars.." Life is like that a lot….. And at the end Scrooge has a monologue where he says,  "It's not too late on Christmas eve to have fun..You can call people that you haven't seen….It can happen everyday, you just gotta want that feeling! And if you like it and you want it, you'll get greedy for it! You'll want it every day of your life, and it can happen to you! I believe in it now! I believe it's gonna happen to me now! I'm ready for it! It's great! It's a good feeling! It's really better than I've felt in a long time…"  And when he says it can be something for everyday, I love that. Happiness is achievable, everyday… And if there is love, there is hope……..

And now there is a needy eleven year calling for my attention…=} So, I will let you all go, and have a beautiful evening.

Love,

Read Riding Hood

BeetleJuice

Hello my dear fellow peepsters, it has been a delightful day of exploration for me. Do you ever decide to try to re-create yourself? Do you ever decide to try to clear out all the old baggage and/or negative debris that clings to you like all that junk that was clinging onto Sarah in The Labyrinth? Do you ever decide to ruthlessly cut away and discard the useless junk and only carry the most important things (which usually end up not being "concrete-things" anyway...)?

I am Constantly trying to do that. It is hard at times, because I am naturally born and raised to be frugal. So, discarding items is a fine line between wasting and just being reasonable; on the other hand, not discarding is a fine line between being frugal and a pack rat.

 An old pair of pants that "could" be altered.....
A wood plaque that "could" be stripped and sanded down for a new art project....

 But am I ever going to take the time to do that?..
Would it Really be saving me time and money?....
Have I So Far taken the time to do any of those things? ...

 Answer:    no.


So, I am clearing away the debris and starting fresh.
And in doing so, I have made room for new things. I read in my Happiness Project journal to clear off a shelf and leave it empty and clean: making empty space can be uplifting because it has clean open potential. Always give yourself room for potential growth, we become hemmed in with all of life's trappings, but try to leave room for your mind to breath, in leaving some open air for your mind, you also are freeing your body.

So, I cleared off a shelf of my own and made room for something new: BeetleJuice. First off, I had never seen this "BeetleJuice" till yesterday. I decided to try it out on that clean shelf and see if I liked it. I do like it, but let me just say... Pre-tty wild. It was not what I imagined for some reason. What did I imagine?.... I don't know... I guess I didn't imagine BeetleJuice being the sort of "savior/villian" he turned out to be. I REALLY wasn't expecting the fabulous adult humor tossed through this either! I had no idea the movie would be more about the deceased married couple and their becoming acclimated to the compromised way of life, well, after-life, they found themselves in. However, despite all of the unexpectedness, I enjoyed it.

Suicide seems to be an underlying topic in this film too. You find out suicide cases become these fairy looking civil servants for all afterlife cases.... hmmmm....  Anyway, I also had a moment realizing, that Wow, I had never really seen Alec Baldwin so young. He's still good looking as an older man, but now I can see why they called him a stud in Red October ( a film I watched vaguely as a kid and have no real memory of it at all.) ANYWAY.

I enjoyed the odd spelling of his name in the movie "BeetleGuese." Michael Keaton is just flipping nuts, man. He's really cool. Think about this for a moment. The man played BatMan. The man played BeetleJuice. He was in The Other Guys. He has played the full spectrum, and is just amazing. Imagine being that open minded. I want to be like that.


So, I am totally being spacey and jumping all over random subjects, so I will shut up and hope you take care my dears, and try something new, trust yourself to do something different and break out of the daily grind. Be safe and have a happy weekend!!

From Up On Poppy Hill: true love is always young love

 Good early afternoon all my dears, it is a cloudy day here, and the threat of rain is hanging over us all.  I am actually off of work and just arrived home from the river. I enjoyed quiet time at the river and I ate my early lunch before coming home and tucking myself up to maybe write, watch some movies, and thumb through some books.








I had the pleasure of watching the latest Ghibli film, From Up On Poppy Hill. I first found out about it a while ago from a trailer on YouTube. Since the poppy is my favorite flower, the title alone drew me in. It is about two school kids in post World War II Japan that fall in love with each other.

I think Studio Ghibli enjoys sharing stories about love, and more specifically, about young love, or love found by people young in heart, people new and fresh to finding true love. Like Howl's Moving Castle, the characters aren't necessarily young, but upon falling in love with each other, the love they share isn't messy, it is pure and adulterated, it is a love that children often find and lose and that adults are lucky to ever find again. The love I am talking about is a love that doesn't stem from lust or loneliness, but a love that sparks between two individuals over a connection. Two people can be a perfect match for each other, but if they don't have that "love" for each other, it's like that saying, "who cares for all the crinkling of a pie, if at the bottom some sweetness doth not lie?." It basically is saying even if a pie looks perfect, if it doesn't taste sweet, no one will care  for it. And just like two people, even if they look "picture perfect" together, if there is no love, what's the point?


As we become adults, we go through experiences that jade us and we begin to look at all our childhood dreams as "childish notions" that should be set aside to "grow up." As little girls we want our prince charming, and as little boys we want our princess, but sometimes growing up, life and circumstance gets in the way and over time we convince ourself that the notion of finding "prince charming" and finding "our princess" is ridiculous and foolish. This is where we are wrong. It is not wrong to hope for our prince, or our princess's, we just have to grow smarter about seeing things for what they are. It is not wrong to love, but it is wrong to stay with someone just because you love them, when all they do is hurt you and never give back the same love you gave them. As young people too often we fall in love with someone that we "see" as our prince/princess, when really love has blinded us and what we mistake as royalty is really just the opposite.
So, what am I trying to say?....
Never stop believing in love.
Never stop hoping for your fairy tale.
Women, We should want a prince charming!
Men, You should want a princess!
But don't go looking for a princess in a slut
and don't go looking for a prince in a player.
And if you want a prince, don't present yourself as anything less than a princess.
And if you want a princess, don't present yourself as anything less than a prince.
AND never settle for less than Exactly what makes you happy.
Learn to recognize what's in front of you, and don't beat yourself up for loving people, you can't help who you love. But you can help what you do and who you get involved with.

Watching From Up On Poppy Hill, I enjoy the belief that true love is always young love, no matter what age it finds us; whether it is like the little children in Ponyo, or these young adults in Poppy Hill.







  ...........

The Order of the Phoenix

Hello All!! It is a cloudy, quiet afternoon with the the threat of rain hanging in the air, and I am here just relaxing after my laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping all completed. I believe today I will watch through the last of the Harry Potter films that, up till now, I still have not finished the series in its' entirety. I love all the books and I especially loved the Order of the Phoenix. In a world that is controlled by propaganda media and a society in love with no individual responsibility, I can't help but identify. 

I love what Harry says when addressing the soon to be newly founded Dumbledore's Army, and he's talking about his experience fighting forces of evil,

" I didn't know what I was doing half the time. I nearly always had help. .. Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake, you can just try again tomorrow. But out there...when you're a second away form being murdered..or watching a friend die right before your eyes... You don't know what that's like."

I also like when Professor Lupin says that fear can warp the mind.... That's very true. I myself know that fear is one of the hardest battles to fight. Fear can make people do things and become certain ways that normally they would never be. And it takes maturity and bravery to recognize it and even just acknowledge its' presence and not let it control us. 

So, I've been on my soap box enough for the day, I will never stop rooting for the good. And anymore, sometimes it isn't always black and white telling the good from the bad. Chin up, my dears. 

Sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood 

The Fox and The Hound

Good morning my dears, it has been far too long, per the norm, since my last blurb about anything. Even now, I don't particularly have much to say. I still wish all the same positive things for you all, and I still just motor along.

I recently just purchased the blu-ray 30th anniversary edition of the original The Fox and The Hound. I truly loved and still love the original. For being a children's film, there is something so peaceful, and in moments, melancholy about it. Every time I watch it, I always end up pondering the phrase, "there are always much bigger enemies out there to battle than wasting our time fighting amongst ourselves." And then I can't help but think that as much as that is true, in the end, the fox ends up remaining in his new environment, and the hound remains in his separate environment. That is what is melancholy to me, is that, friends can remain friends, but they drift away to different places, different circles; they co-exist peacefully mainly due to remaining apart. In this story they are capable of uniting together to fight the bear in the wild despite their differences. Some stories, some lives, aren't so lucky, and end more tragically. I think there is much to be said about friends learning to "agree to disagree" and friends knowing when staying apart will save both parties heartache and hurt feelings over misunderstandings. But, what I most want to leave you with is,

"There are much larger enemies to be fought, than to waste our time fighting amongst ourselves."

There are people I've met that I've been friends with, and then we've gone our separate ways, but some of those friends I know that despite time and distance, if the need arose, we would work together to help each other. Not every friendship ends that way, but some do, and I hope you have been lucky enough to find that in your life. Have a beautiful last day to your weekend and may it not be completely tainted by the forthcoming Monday.

When In Rome

Good afternoon my dears, I am watching When In Rome for the upteenth time and let me tell you.... if you want to see how I am in real life, watch this movie. Seriously. ... This is me. *sigh* That is all I have to say, google When In Rome. I hope you all have had a lovely afternoon, a beautiful weekend; and I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer you.

You've Got Mail

Good late night my darlings, it is a bit late for me to be up and doing anything but be sensible and just try to sleep. But here I am, awake, none the less; and blogging for that matter. The last few days, I have felt the urge to watch an old time favorite of mine that I grew up watching: You've Got Mail, with Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Dave Chapelle, Steve Zahn, and a few other people I don't remember; oh, Yea! And Greg Kinnear. Meg Ryan is the small time bookstore owner, and Tom Hanks is the "price club" of books who is just opening up a new store in the same neighborhood as Meg Ryan's store, threatening to shut down her business.

This whole movie is full of so many sweet truths and the sweet seed of hope. Makes me think of all the endless hours as a child I spent at the Barnes and Noble in the Aurora neighborhood I grew up in. I can't even begin to describe all the lovely bits of this movie without rambling on for hours, and even rambling wouldn't fully get the feeling across for this film. I am a very non-verbal person, always using my hands, my face, and my expressions to tell a lot of my story for me.

This movie was in its' own way, my cult classic I grew up with. As I got older, it got put on the shelf where it collected dust, and I remember having turned twenty-one years old, and I pulled it out to watch, and my life was so different from where it had started and where it ended up at the time and even where it is now, and I remember watching it there, curled up in the corner of a ratty old couch that was my bedroom.... And I felt nothing for it. I didn't even finish it. It was like one of those sub conscience wake up calls, or like my conscience calling me from far away: asking me where did that part of me go that was comfortable just being myself? Where did that girl go that didn't have to act hard all the time? Where did that girl go that even when there wasn't someone else she was interested in romantically, she still had the dream of someone else?... Where did she go? I think that was one of the first poignant self evaluations I had of myself and the former life I was committed to.
I spent four years drifting away from this core classic of myself, and I am happy to say, it only took me two years to fight my way back. One of the emails that Meg Ryan and Joe Fox (tom hanks) share in the beginning epitomizes my sad poor pathetic addiction to Starbucks coffee and makes me laugh at myself thinking there is probably much more truth to what he says than I'd like to expand on, but I'm o.k. just laughing about it and considering it probably really is the truth, and I'm not going to fight it. It's who I am, and I am content with who I am, so why should I feel bad about it?

So, I will leave you with his opinion of people and Starbucks and I now realize it is one o'clock in the morning, so have a peaceful rest of your night.

"The whole reason of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. So, people who don't know what the they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee, but an absolutely defining sense of self."

~Joe Fox- Tom Hanks

And I have to say, the movie ends with Over the Rainbow.... It isn't the version by Iz, but I don't think it existed yet, so the Harry Nilson version just had to suffice in the meantime, and maybe the Iz version did already exist, I just didn't know about it yet.. But I know about it now, and they say when you find the real thing to hold onto it, so I will. And I wish you the same.

Hope Springs..... Eternal

Good Early Morning my loves, it is the "madrugada" as they say in Spanish. I am awake and just thinking, about cycles that we go through and cycles of the year, cycles of emotions, cycles, cycles, cycles.. Around and around in my head.  

I had begun to watch this movie Hope Springs with Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carrel with my grandparents a few weeks ago. It is about a married couple that have been married for thirty plus years, and the wife realizes she needs more from their relationship, she wants intimacy again, something they lost somewhere along the road. Meryl plays the wife, Kay, Jones is the cantankerous husband, and Carrel is the therapist.  I didn't get to finish watching it with my grandparents,  but I knew I had to see how it ended, so I purchased it, and having now laughed and cried to Hope Springs in the madrugada. 

I am always thinking about the same topics it seems, just from different new angles, re-evaluating how I understand something. Sometimes that gets me in trouble, because I drift away from the true foundation understandings of certain things that really don't require any further verification or definition. I am getting better at not doing that: a lot of that I now know is stemming from trust issues.... I have a hard time trusting.. Pretty much anything and everything, and unfortunately everyone. In some ways, it is a good safety mechanism to protect myself [probably the very reason the issue manifested within me: self preservation]... But, in other ways, not being able to trust cripples me, horribly.   

  I have learned that when you finally find people that love you, and you love them back, you Must trust them: you must commit that to them; because, I guarantee there will be times you go through different experiences and you may not understand exactly the choices your loved ones are making, but you Must trust them to know that while you may not "understand" completely, you do know they love you, and you love each other, and you know they would never do anything to hurt you. 

 

I am going to leave you with the therapists closing monologue that talks about marriage, but just makes me think about how what he says just applies to life in general; and how when you set out to do something because it's the right thing and you have love driving you on.. You have only wonderful things to look forward to. I think about how for so long I was tied down to the life I had, and it wasn't till I moved to Texas and decided to marry and commit to the life I wanted for myself that  I really started living a life I can be proud of. Before, the relationship between me and my life was like one of the couples that never should have gotten married, I did things based on emotional decisions and none of them worked out.  The last thing Steve Carrel says is so true, and I am going to remind myself of it whenever I feel like giving up. 

 "I have patients who never should have gotten married..and you are not those people.. Even great marriages have terrible years. So bad that you're tempted to just give up. But don't. Hold on. There will come a time when you will look back at this moment as the prelude to something fuller and richer than you've ever dreamed."

That being said, I hope you are able to sleep well my dears and live the life you want. I hope so many good things to those that seek the better life. Hold on. There are always just bumps in the road, none of them have been in vain. Good morning my darlings and to all a beautiful day. 

The Flintstones Christmas Carrol

Good early morning my dears, it is still night out and admitably too early.. or late (depending on your point of view) to be properly blogging, but here I am regardless of any and all those factoids. Here I am a quarter gallon of ice cream down, two movies played twice over back to back, and just thinking. ...

Anytime I watch these children's movies, I love the cozy and comfortable feeling they possess. I don't know what it is so much that strikes me at my core when I watch them, but the best way to describe it I guess is I love the feeling of "home" I get when I watch children's movies or any holiday flicks I particularly enjoy (example Fred Claus.)

I spend time with family, but I realize I don't hold it in a place in my heart that when I reminisce about fun times, family get togethers pop up to mind. Why? Why don't I, I sincerely ask myself?... I do love my family, and I don't Not like spending time with my family.. So why don't family memories hold higher regard in my inner affections more?...

My aunt asked me if holidays when I was younger were fun, and I replied honestly no. I didn't have much of a social life, I was home schooled (not to say that automatically means I did no social activities) and I really had no lasting friends or typical social grouping with a consistent bunch of people my age, until I was about sixteen years old. So, any family shin dig was painful for me: I was shy, I knew nothing of pop culture or any similar activities to talk about or really do with any of my cousins, I was very self conscience about eating in front of people (not to mention growing up I was raised according to certain religious views not to eat ham/pork, which of course was inevitably the main/second main course of any holiday dinner.) So, summed up, family get togethers as a kid only seemed to confirm to me more so every year how isolated and different from everyone else I was, and I would spend the day rotating between living rooms and bathrooms, trying to sneak out to pet the dogs, and avoiding the kitchen unless I became so hungry I just had to at least pass through for something to drink. Now that I am older, I think how sad that is, I know that for many, the kitchen is a place of warmth and safety, a place of comfort and for family; and, the fact I felt I had to avoid it, makes me realize how blatantly now I see those were the things I was missing. I am not trying to wallow in self-pity nor am I angry at the way I was raised; yes, I recognize now, childhood holidays spent with holidays should not be spent that way, but.. it is what it is, and what it was... And to pull a paragraph from a book I am reading,
           "Of course, as a child, I couldn't see it that way. It was just embarrassing and painful to me- ... I can't tell you how much I hated it..... But now, at least to some extent, I can understand...I'm not saying that it was right. It left me with scars. It was hard for a child. But what's done is done. Don't let it bother you. One good thing it did was to make me tougher. I learned firsthand that it's not easy making your way through this world. ... I'm going to go on living one way or another. I think I can do a better job of it from now on, without such pointless detours.... I don't know what you want to do. Maybe you just want to go on sleeping quietly, without ever waking up again. That's what you should do if you want to. I can't stand in your way if that's what you are hoping for. All I can do is let you go on sleeping. In any case, I wanted to say all this to you- to tell you what I have done so far in life and what I am thinking. Maybe you would have preferred not to hear of this, and if that's the case, I'm sorry to have inflicted it on you. Anyhow, I have nothing more to tell you. I've pretty much said everything I thought I ought to say. I won't bother you anymore. Now you can sleep as much as you want."

Taken from the novel 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami.

So... trying to organize all my thoughts and put them together in a nice, neat package....

I remember not too long ago, I was spending time with the man I fell in love with, the man I am still in love with.. and he was heartbroken he had to spend a holiday from his  family.... And at the time, I didn't understand... My life never had experienced any reason to be hurt and sad to be away from family on a holiday: that was my reality, and like with most "realities" every individual is mistaken in believing their is the true reality... So, what am I saying?....

I told my aunt yesterday, well... more like asked her, "Wow.... I never thought about it that way... What must it be like to feel heartbroken over such a thing?... what must it be like to be torn up about Not being with family for a holiday?...."

And then I answered my own question:  I really do know what that feels like, because that's what it feels like to be away from the one you love.

So, my loves, I hope that whatever family you have or whomever is closest to you, you are granted the wonderful gift to be with them. Some just pray for their dream to happen, and for good to happen, but I hope that you are wise enough to Make it happen: happiness is worked for... and where there is hope there is trial. No, happiness is earned without trial.

All those seemingly simple things like home, warmth, and love that children's movies revolve around may Seem basic, but they are the hardest things to accomplish, and maybe nowadays everyone is too busy grasping at a bigger picture someone handed down to them, they've lost sight of what makes us all tick and why.....

Never forget, I won't, I can't. With much love and sincerity my darlings,

Read Riding Hood

Hotel Transylvania

Good afternoon my dears. I am watching Hotel Transylvania, bleh, bleh, bleh......

I tried to watch it last night and I was just hung up on the fact that Adam Sandler was the dad's voice.... And that Selena Gomez was the voice of the daughter. ... I am not a fan of Selena Gomez, but I'm not a hater of her either, I would just prefer not to watch her. However, in this case that wasn't an option... And Technically(!) I'm not watching "her.." I'm just "listening to her... So, I huddled down  and set my differences aside and fell asleep twice at the point everyone starts dancing to the "wiggle" from the LMFAO song. It is now afternoon and I watched it all the way through and focused off expectations and just enjoyed it for what it is... And it's a fun kids movie. And it does have three important messages:

1. we should never try to outsmart the truth and just let truth have its' day

2. children are not their parents... and we are not our parents....

3. at some point children have to fly from the nest to make their own mistakes and find their own happiness and their "zing"

 And aside from Adam Sandler, I recognized a fellow actors voice that usually appears in other movies with him. AAAnd I heard the glorious-ly nasal Fran Drescher!! I love her! She voiced Frankenstien's Bride.

Ok... So I should sum up the plot for you. Dracula's wife died, and he raises their baby daughter alone. He builds a hotel for monsters where no human should ever be able to enter... time passes until the present day and the daughter is now turning 118 years old (the human equivalent of 18) and the eve of her birthday party, a young man.. (hu-man) stumbles onto the hotel unknowingly. From which ensues the rest of the story, including cute little baby werewolves, Quasimodo the French Sniffing Chef and his Sniffer Mouse Esmerelda, Bat pouty faces, ukelele song, magic, human pot pie, frozen language, and zing... just to name a few articles and events... dot, dot, dot, and never more.

It was cute and made me laugh. If the beginning is a wee bit too zany for you and tween popp-ish, give it a few minutes, cut it some slack.. I think there really is some sincerity at the heart of this movie.

Have a Beautiful Day, filled with Zing if you've already found it.. or just filled with the hope for Zing if you are still searching for it my loves.


IMDB list of Cast Characters and Actors:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0837562/fullcredits?ref_=tt_ov_st_sm#cast

One Special Night

Good evening my dears, it has been a chilly day for Texans and I have enjoyed not just one, but two delightful Starbucks mochas... with peppermint.... a venti, but with only four pumps of the peppermint. I'm one of those needy customers, but I hope I make up for it by being a nice, politeful person.

And now I am nestling into the couch, just.... well, watching a movie. But I don't feel like talking about the movie I'm watching. I actually just feel like sharing a chapter of my own life with all you my darlings.

This time of year has always been hard for me... The holidays were never very enjoyable for me growing up, and they only morphed into somewhat stomach-able when I became an "adult." I always have tried to make the best of a situation, but it was harder at the holidays, and these last few years, (especially after having moved under the texan sun) I have finally made significant headway in finding contentment at this "festive" time of year.

I have stopped trying to look at it how it is "supposed" to be and just relaxing it and enjoying it as things come.  

I don't have much to say, but I just wanted to pop in and say hello and I have not forgotten about you my dears. I hope you have had an enjoyable season and I am wishing you all the love and beauty you can manage.

sincerely my loves,

Read Riding Hood