Cat In The Hat... Nigel Strawberry..... Bleh bleh bleh....

Hello my dears, 

 it seems as the faster time moves for me, the less I write. I used to write to fill the time- to fill the silent void- or to silence the demons in my head. And now..... writing would be because I actually want to write.. 

And I do want to write. And I do want to read my books. And I do want to paint and draw and watercolor and sew plushies and watch movies. 

Let me tell you a story.. 

It's about a little girl who grew up sheltered from the world... All she knew was what she grew up with. She never went to public school. She never really had "normal" friends and relationships. All she had were her books- her movies- her sister- her imagination- her sadness- her self. She had been told that the world was evil and not safe and corrupting and that you "had to be careful." And yet, with all that- she always looked at other people out and about and some of them seemed happy- and she wanted that for herself- she felt strange and weird- she felt like an outsider- and she would see other children- and then teenagers as she got older- hanging out together- laughing together- experiencing life together- and she was still alone- laughing alone- crying alone.....

Reflecting on herself- she realized she spent all her time with books and movies- inanimate objects- they couldn't laugh and cry with her- they couldn't see her- interact with her- they were just .....things... And she became angry and frustrated.. and she threw all them aside  because she felt they were keeping her from living her life. 

So, she went out in search of this "life" she felt she wasn't living.. and she tried to be like everyone else- do what other people did... at first it was exciting and new, but the more she tried to be happy like everyone else- the sadder and even more alone she felt- because the more she realized she was trying to be something she wasn't. The whole time she had been trying to be someone else- rather than herself... 

It took a lot of heartbreak... and a lot of heartache to find herself- to find honesty- and like herself.... to be happy with who she was.... 

I'd like to tell you the story has a happy ending... but that's the funny thing about real life.... It doesn't end until we die... and until we die... it's never just a "happy ending." There will be hardship and struggles and pain... but there will also be love and beauty and happiness. 

The story isn't over yet. The girl grew into  a woman and is still living her life- finding herself- creating herself- creating art- because she is art- and life is an art.

It's funny to me how all she wanted to do was have a "real life." And the whole time she had no idea that she had been living her real life the whole time- SHE was the only one who couldn't see it for the longest time. 

I never would wish heartache on anyone- I only wish good things for you all my dears... But I know life has a way of handing out heartache no matter what. But I wish you to hold on. I have weathered enough storms to know they don't last forever- storms have an end. because time never stops moving forward. I know it's not easy to hold on. I know it isn't, but if we didn't keep trying- we will never know if it will get better. And it will- it may take a while- but that's life- that's art. 

goodnight my loves. 

create some art. make something beautiful . 

sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood

Into the Woods

Hello my dears,

True to my word here I am to tell you about an awesome movie- Into The Woods.

O.k. I haven't even finished it... Ive barely started it... and I wish to tell you a little bit about myself first.


O.k. When I started this blog, I didn't know I was an artist.. I didn't know who or what I was.. other than lost and alone. I just spent my days remembering and pining away... for what?... lost love, wanted love... happiness... lost in melancholy.  

How much I've changed since then.

And I go from watching Spongebob to Into the Woods... In that aspect I haven't changed. I can be a child one moment, a woman the next.

And I am happy to say I am watching Into the Woods, a musical based off some fairy tales all entwined together..... My most powerful impression- Meryl Streep. The woman is a bonafide genius.

So, excuse me, I am going back to finish this amazing awesomeness.

Sincerely, apologetically,

Read Riding Hood

Jumanji

Good Monday afternoon my dears, I know it is dreaded Monday, but I am actually off of work today and hope to share the positive vibes with you all.

I know I haven't blogged in a while. A lot of things on my mind. A lot. And one of the recent things on my mind, of course, is the death of Robin Williams. Yes, I know it seems like everyone is going on about it, and there are other people dying every day as well..... it's just .... this is a human being we all knew.... at some point we all laughed and cried with. Mr. Williams was a man that shared laughter with the world when his own heart was aching and even with fame remained humble and kind. I will miss him terribly and all the movies I looked forward to seeing him in for the years to come.

I am thinking of all the other people that pass away and none of us really pay attention to. Like in the book, The Fault in our Stars,  Hazel wonders  at how so many die every day, but only very few are widely remembered. And when Hazel is in Amsterdam and visits Anne Frank's house, she sees a book with a list of all the names of everyone like Anne lost in the Holocaust; and Hazel thinks that it would be possible to remember every human that passes away in history, if only each individual would remember three other's names.  On the list below Anne Frank, there are three different "Aron Frank"s.... and Hazel wonders who they were and about their families......

I think of all the people I know.... from my past.... lovers... friends... acquaintances...... bosses... coworkers..boyfriends... strangers.... authors.... actors......I remember many more than just three.... We all do..... And I realize just when I start to think the little people get lost in the ambiguity of it all... I realize, none of us do.. Because there is At Least one person out there that will remember you... and will remember me, and odds are there is more than one that will remember you and me... so, we all do live on, maybe not in the limelight like people like Robin Williams, but in our own lamplights in our own living rooms; in our  own kitchen dining table lights; we make up all the little starts that light up the heavens, planets are not enough by themselves.

Take comfort in that my dears. None of us are forgotten, even if not widely known about.  I love you and hope this Monday is not a drudge to be slogged through, but just a peaceful day leaning into fall with a cool breeze, an overcast sky, and a paper bag lunch to remind you of those school days gone by.
Sweet day dreams my loves,

Read Riding Hood

Penelope

Good Sunday afternoon everyone! It is a pleasant enough day, and I am just bursting to tell you about this movie I watched yesterday. It is a glorious and wonderful and sweet and .... odd... and of course cheesy.
 It is called Penelope.

It is about a girl born into a family that is cursed. Any girl born into the family will be born with a pig nose until the curse can be broken by marrying into high society.
For many generations, only male heirs were born... But down the line just about the time everyone has forgotten about the curse, Penelope arrives.. and of course, with the pig snout. Her mother does everything in her power to protect her from the paparazzi and keeps her locked away from any nosy reporters. By the time Penelope is of age, her mother arranges for suitable male suitors to be interviewed to be engaged with Penelope in hopes to end the curse. The boys are not allowed to see Penelope right away, until they have been briefed on how much they will inherit upon becoming engaged. But... "unfortunately" upon seeing Penelope's snout, they all run as far from her as they can. ....

Until one day, due to circumstances, one suitor does not run away.

So begins the venturing out into the world for Penelope.
and brace yourself, I am about to supply spoilers.

She asks the suitor who doesn't run away to marry her and break the curse.... But you see,  unbeknownst to Penelope, he knows he isn't of suitable lineage to break the curse and tells her he can't... "marry her," is the assumption. So, Penelope heartbroken runs away from home to explore the world, and in turn, when he realizes she is chasing her dreams, he is inspired himself to find his place in the world, as well.

They end up finding their places in the world, and they find their ways back to each other.

And I love it most because she realizes, she doesn't need someone to marry her to break the curse, she likes herself just the way she is.

*sigh*  I love that. I wish every girl, every woman to realize, they don't need a man to "save" them.

Every person is capable of finding their place in the world, finding themselves. And also finding love. Because, as everyone knows, finding themselves and finding love are two different things. Sometimes the timing of love is off... and has to be put on the back burner while busy getting oneself in order.... but true love finds its' way, in it's own time.

So have faith my darlings.  Love will find its' way. I know it. I promise it will. I would never promise something I don't believe in. Everything will be ok. I know it.

Have a good night my dears.

Sincerely,
Read Riding Hood

Saving Mr. Banks

Good afternoon, my darlings. Time is just flying away from me. I don't know where it is going, it is always going.......  

So, if you haven't heard, there is a recent movie just released on blu-ray, titled Saving Mr. Banks.

It is about the true story of how the original film, Mary Poppins, came into existence.  It is about how Walt Disney, the man himself, pursued the author of the Mary Poppins novels for children for twenty years to sign over the rights of the books to evolve them into a live animation revolution.

Saving Mr. Banks begins after twenty years of pursuing and when Mrs. Travers, the author, is to fly to Los Angeles, Hollywood, to collaborate with Disney to overview the script before signing the rights over.  Poor Mrs. Travers is terrified of them destroying her original character; what author isn't terrified of that? But in this case, it isn't just a "character" to Mrs. Travers: Mary Poppins is much more than just a character; Mary Poppins is her family; Mary Poppins is all that's left of the real live family that disappointed her. She cannot betray her last remaining tidbit of memory over to people that would misunderstand it and translate it into something it's not.

I don't want to tell you anymore about the story, because I want you to see it for yourself. I don't know if you  will like this movie or not, it may not be your cup of tea, with a spoonful of sugar or not....  But this movie is something deeper than expected, than I expected.

This movie is about how life can disappoint us, people can disappoint us... Even people with good hearts, and the best plans can go astray and disappoint us.

This movie is about how we love and forgive people dearly in spite of their incredible faults.

This movie is about how Mrs. Travers, as a little girl, was disappointed by life when she lost her very loving father, who subsequently was also an alcoholic.

This movie is about never losing one's imagination and dreams despite the disappointment that finds us.

This movie is about all of us; about all of our sad tales, our sad histories....  It is about how we cannot control what happened in the past, but we get to finish the story. We get to let go of all the past and all its' skeleton's and create a beautiful future not dictated by our pasts.  ..... But the only way possible of accomplishing this is by forgiving ourselves our very own mistakes; until we can be kind enough to ourselves to do that, we are only disappointing ourselves for the rest of our lives.

For those of us who have passed on from this life, it is too late to grant this forgiveness. But to all of us living, there is always hope of a new ending. There is always beauty and wonder to be found in this world; just because you may not have discovered it the first adventure of your life doesn't mean you were foolish, doesn't mean it was a waste, doesn't mean everything up to disappoint's point was useless; it just means you were brave enough with enough heart to search for your dreams.

This movie is about granting yourself the freedom to pick yourself up and try to find your dreams again. Don't be so hard on yourself for failing to find them the first time around.... We all have failed. I have failed more times than I can count.

I always struggle forgiving myself for failing. ... I tell myself I must be too stupid and inadequate to find my dreams... But then I always come back to realizing, it is never a shame to have loved: it is never a shame to have trusted and put hope in any dream, even after those dreams have become a disappointment. It would only be a shame if I were to never to try and hope in any dreams ever again.


well, I am almost confident I am overly passionate about this film and you might not find it as satisfying as myself. But despite that, I am pleased you spent this time making it through this blog, I am pleased you took the time to come listen to me. I hope in some small way, maybe I am able to share some of the hope I chase after with you all.
I wish you all a beautiful life, my dears.

with all my love,
Read Riding Hood

Silver Linings Playbook

Well, my dear readers, I feel like an inspired breathing machine blogging away (almost) every day about something I've watched or been watching. I have had a busy work weekend and today I got off work and instead of just going home to fall into my unmade up bed and snooze my life away, I decided to get cleaned up, grab my computer and journal, and shtuff and go sit at Barnes and Nobles bookstore like I used to all the time and just chill with my headphones on and watch a movie, write some if I wanted, maybe read if something caught my eye. I got Starbucks and a lemon bar, plugged my computer in, plugged the headphones in and zoned out. For some reason I had the urge lately to watch the movie Silver Linings Playbook. I don't know why, I loved the book and really didn't want to watch the movie that I knew would be altered in some way from the book and have it ruin my perfect imagination of how I imagined the story to have been. But this past week I had the urge none the less, and so I just rolled with the feeling, got the movie, downloaded the digital copy yesterday, and so today as I scrolled through my iTunes movies, I saw it there and rolled right into it ……. and loved every minute of it.
The dude, I don't know if I remember it right, (Gary Cooper?…) well anyway, the main guy… he is perfect in this. I am so used to seeing him as the "cool/put together" guy that to see him as this guy that was formally undiagnosed bipolar trying to deal with his issues and failed marriage and family issues all at the same time, made him instantly endearing to me. Oh. my God. Freaking endearing. And Jennifer Lawrence, she is amazing as well. I know some people didn't like the movie, they felt there were too many holes in the plot, and that is very possible, because since my brain could have just been filling in the holes automatically with all the story plot from the book, I was able to just focus on the deliverance and presentation of the feeling behind this story and it touched me. It's about being honest and wanting to be a good person, and finding silver linings in life. Being honest is a huge part about this movie, and I loved it. Loved it loved it  loved it. Ya know, I usually have a good sense of whether I will like a movie or not, and lately I have started to analyze why I take forever to watch certain movies that I end up loving… And I think I have this complex that, since I know I will love it, I want to hold onto that anticipation as long as possible, because as soon as I watch it, I will be sad it is over and I will already be worried if I will find stories in my future that will make me feel as emotionally content as that, and I am afraid of not finding any more fulfillment.  Summarized, I am afraid of loving and letting go. Because once the movie ends, I have to get up, continue on with my day, go through all the motions, and still have the hope that I will find another movie in the future that will make me feel complete again. I love feeling the reassurance that movies give me, that can be a mirror to things I feel, so I am reassured that I'm not alone. But then there is always the fear, that I won't find that reassurance again.
It's like being in a relationship, actions keep love alive. And there is always that fear, that one day, there won't be any actions to keep that love alive.

And I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I'm already lost. But whatever. I loved this movie. Because in the end, of the book and the movie, they figure out that accepting yourself and forgiving yourself lets you accept and forgive others…. that taking care of yourself teaches you how to take care of others…. that loving yourself, you learn how to love someone else and that doing what's right for you let's everything else around you just fall into place where it should be.

with that, goodnight all, I am done rambling. I am going to sleep well and wish you all the same.

Love,
Read Riding Hood

Warm Bodies

It is very early my loves, I am off to a fresh start this day and the next few days. I just wanted to tell you that recently I watched this movie called Warm Bodies. It's a zombie movie, but it's about how a certain zombie falls in love with a still human girl.
The first day I put it on to watch, I was in a particularly pessimistic mood, and not really interested in anything. But after mentioning the movie to someone in a negative light, I suddenly felt like I was being a negative nancy (someone I never really want to be…) So, I am sitting here, picking up where I left off to finish this movie and not be a negative nancy (a wet blanket, a jaded female, a party popper…)… And I find myself becoming a total goober. He turns back into human by the end, and he gets shot and starts bleeding…. And the girl says, "He's bleeding…. He's Alive!. .. He's Alive!"……

And at the end he is monologuing and says, "every great thing starts out scary doesn't it?…"… and that's true…. I find it's easier to be a negative nancy than a positive polly, but it Feels so much better to be a positive polly. And I'm glad that I came back to this film to finish it. It has sincerity and heart to it, just give it a chance. I hope you all have a beautiful day, no matter what happens in it.

sincerely,
Read Riding Hood

Scrooged

Good evening my lovelies, another beautiful day. Today is Veteran's Day, and I wanted to make sure and thank all of you veteran's for you service. If it wasn't for you all, I would not enjoy the freedom to have this wonderful blog platform and every free day of my life.

I have things I want to say today, but I get lost in how to say them, I guess.  I partly blog as a form of therapy, I feel better talking about things, and I like to flatter myself and think that maybe it gives help/hope to at least one other person, and that makes it all worth it.

Ya know, about a year ago, I needed "help." Like… "professional" help… not like I was psycho, but like, I had depression, and I needed to reach out and get help. And unfortunately,  instead of taking care of myself, I let it go until I was such a mess, I made a mess around myself as well. And luckily I had people to help me, but there were things that other people couldn't help me with either; example: taking those steps to help myself. I had people get me to the hospital, but then upon leaving the hospital, I had to find a way home. I learned some valuable lessons, including the lesson, that others can "help" me get better, but  I Myself have to put in the work, no one else. No one can be responsible for my health and well being except myself. And just the other day I learned that in life I will find people like family and people I love that  we will be "responsible to" but the only one we are responsible "for" is our own personal self. This is a fairly new concept for me, but it makes sense, and in as much as it feels like a lonely place of taking on responsibility, there is freedom. Because in taking responsibility for myself, I cannot put the blame on anyone or anything for my unhappiness and at the end of the day I can decide my happiness.

And on that note, I decided I needed to go out of the comfort bubble I have created for myself and begin to do some spontaneous things like I used to. That's all I used to do, was spontaneous stuff, so much so, that the important things I would bypass on my search for the constant different next thing. Well, the last three years, and this last year especially have been no small learning curve on my road to finding a happy medium between spontaneity and punctual routine-age-ness.. (yes, I just created a word there….)

so… What was my spontaneity this week?… Deciding to finally splurge on a $12.99 blu-ray of an eighties hit I've always wanted to see, but just never took the chance on it: Scrooged. Starring Bill Murray, it is a Total 80's Film. I am now old enough to appreciate cheesy costumes, eighties humor, and some strange story lines; and this Christmas Carol adaptation happily satisfied my craving for something different. The cute but spirited Christmas present fairy smacks Scrooge's cheek and tells him,  "Oh, sometimes the truth is painful…..but it's made your cheeks all rosy and your eyes bright as stars.." Life is like that a lot….. And at the end Scrooge has a monologue where he says,  "It's not too late on Christmas eve to have fun..You can call people that you haven't seen….It can happen everyday, you just gotta want that feeling! And if you like it and you want it, you'll get greedy for it! You'll want it every day of your life, and it can happen to you! I believe in it now! I believe it's gonna happen to me now! I'm ready for it! It's great! It's a good feeling! It's really better than I've felt in a long time…"  And when he says it can be something for everyday, I love that. Happiness is achievable, everyday… And if there is love, there is hope……..

And now there is a needy eleven year calling for my attention…=} So, I will let you all go, and have a beautiful evening.

Love,

Read Riding Hood

The Order of the Phoenix

Hello All!! It is a cloudy, quiet afternoon with the the threat of rain hanging in the air, and I am here just relaxing after my laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping all completed. I believe today I will watch through the last of the Harry Potter films that, up till now, I still have not finished the series in its' entirety. I love all the books and I especially loved the Order of the Phoenix. In a world that is controlled by propaganda media and a society in love with no individual responsibility, I can't help but identify. 

I love what Harry says when addressing the soon to be newly founded Dumbledore's Army, and he's talking about his experience fighting forces of evil,

" I didn't know what I was doing half the time. I nearly always had help. .. Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake, you can just try again tomorrow. But out there...when you're a second away form being murdered..or watching a friend die right before your eyes... You don't know what that's like."

I also like when Professor Lupin says that fear can warp the mind.... That's very true. I myself know that fear is one of the hardest battles to fight. Fear can make people do things and become certain ways that normally they would never be. And it takes maturity and bravery to recognize it and even just acknowledge its' presence and not let it control us. 

So, I've been on my soap box enough for the day, I will never stop rooting for the good. And anymore, sometimes it isn't always black and white telling the good from the bad. Chin up, my dears. 

Sincerely, 

Read Riding Hood 

The Fox and The Hound

Good morning my dears, it has been far too long, per the norm, since my last blurb about anything. Even now, I don't particularly have much to say. I still wish all the same positive things for you all, and I still just motor along.

I recently just purchased the blu-ray 30th anniversary edition of the original The Fox and The Hound. I truly loved and still love the original. For being a children's film, there is something so peaceful, and in moments, melancholy about it. Every time I watch it, I always end up pondering the phrase, "there are always much bigger enemies out there to battle than wasting our time fighting amongst ourselves." And then I can't help but think that as much as that is true, in the end, the fox ends up remaining in his new environment, and the hound remains in his separate environment. That is what is melancholy to me, is that, friends can remain friends, but they drift away to different places, different circles; they co-exist peacefully mainly due to remaining apart. In this story they are capable of uniting together to fight the bear in the wild despite their differences. Some stories, some lives, aren't so lucky, and end more tragically. I think there is much to be said about friends learning to "agree to disagree" and friends knowing when staying apart will save both parties heartache and hurt feelings over misunderstandings. But, what I most want to leave you with is,

"There are much larger enemies to be fought, than to waste our time fighting amongst ourselves."

There are people I've met that I've been friends with, and then we've gone our separate ways, but some of those friends I know that despite time and distance, if the need arose, we would work together to help each other. Not every friendship ends that way, but some do, and I hope you have been lucky enough to find that in your life. Have a beautiful last day to your weekend and may it not be completely tainted by the forthcoming Monday.

You've Got Mail

Good late night my darlings, it is a bit late for me to be up and doing anything but be sensible and just try to sleep. But here I am, awake, none the less; and blogging for that matter. The last few days, I have felt the urge to watch an old time favorite of mine that I grew up watching: You've Got Mail, with Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Dave Chapelle, Steve Zahn, and a few other people I don't remember; oh, Yea! And Greg Kinnear. Meg Ryan is the small time bookstore owner, and Tom Hanks is the "price club" of books who is just opening up a new store in the same neighborhood as Meg Ryan's store, threatening to shut down her business.

This whole movie is full of so many sweet truths and the sweet seed of hope. Makes me think of all the endless hours as a child I spent at the Barnes and Noble in the Aurora neighborhood I grew up in. I can't even begin to describe all the lovely bits of this movie without rambling on for hours, and even rambling wouldn't fully get the feeling across for this film. I am a very non-verbal person, always using my hands, my face, and my expressions to tell a lot of my story for me.

This movie was in its' own way, my cult classic I grew up with. As I got older, it got put on the shelf where it collected dust, and I remember having turned twenty-one years old, and I pulled it out to watch, and my life was so different from where it had started and where it ended up at the time and even where it is now, and I remember watching it there, curled up in the corner of a ratty old couch that was my bedroom.... And I felt nothing for it. I didn't even finish it. It was like one of those sub conscience wake up calls, or like my conscience calling me from far away: asking me where did that part of me go that was comfortable just being myself? Where did that girl go that didn't have to act hard all the time? Where did that girl go that even when there wasn't someone else she was interested in romantically, she still had the dream of someone else?... Where did she go? I think that was one of the first poignant self evaluations I had of myself and the former life I was committed to.
I spent four years drifting away from this core classic of myself, and I am happy to say, it only took me two years to fight my way back. One of the emails that Meg Ryan and Joe Fox (tom hanks) share in the beginning epitomizes my sad poor pathetic addiction to Starbucks coffee and makes me laugh at myself thinking there is probably much more truth to what he says than I'd like to expand on, but I'm o.k. just laughing about it and considering it probably really is the truth, and I'm not going to fight it. It's who I am, and I am content with who I am, so why should I feel bad about it?

So, I will leave you with his opinion of people and Starbucks and I now realize it is one o'clock in the morning, so have a peaceful rest of your night.

"The whole reason of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. So, people who don't know what the they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee, but an absolutely defining sense of self."

~Joe Fox- Tom Hanks

And I have to say, the movie ends with Over the Rainbow.... It isn't the version by Iz, but I don't think it existed yet, so the Harry Nilson version just had to suffice in the meantime, and maybe the Iz version did already exist, I just didn't know about it yet.. But I know about it now, and they say when you find the real thing to hold onto it, so I will. And I wish you the same.

Hope Springs..... Eternal

Good Early Morning my loves, it is the "madrugada" as they say in Spanish. I am awake and just thinking, about cycles that we go through and cycles of the year, cycles of emotions, cycles, cycles, cycles.. Around and around in my head.  

I had begun to watch this movie Hope Springs with Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carrel with my grandparents a few weeks ago. It is about a married couple that have been married for thirty plus years, and the wife realizes she needs more from their relationship, she wants intimacy again, something they lost somewhere along the road. Meryl plays the wife, Kay, Jones is the cantankerous husband, and Carrel is the therapist.  I didn't get to finish watching it with my grandparents,  but I knew I had to see how it ended, so I purchased it, and having now laughed and cried to Hope Springs in the madrugada. 

I am always thinking about the same topics it seems, just from different new angles, re-evaluating how I understand something. Sometimes that gets me in trouble, because I drift away from the true foundation understandings of certain things that really don't require any further verification or definition. I am getting better at not doing that: a lot of that I now know is stemming from trust issues.... I have a hard time trusting.. Pretty much anything and everything, and unfortunately everyone. In some ways, it is a good safety mechanism to protect myself [probably the very reason the issue manifested within me: self preservation]... But, in other ways, not being able to trust cripples me, horribly.   

  I have learned that when you finally find people that love you, and you love them back, you Must trust them: you must commit that to them; because, I guarantee there will be times you go through different experiences and you may not understand exactly the choices your loved ones are making, but you Must trust them to know that while you may not "understand" completely, you do know they love you, and you love each other, and you know they would never do anything to hurt you. 

 

I am going to leave you with the therapists closing monologue that talks about marriage, but just makes me think about how what he says just applies to life in general; and how when you set out to do something because it's the right thing and you have love driving you on.. You have only wonderful things to look forward to. I think about how for so long I was tied down to the life I had, and it wasn't till I moved to Texas and decided to marry and commit to the life I wanted for myself that  I really started living a life I can be proud of. Before, the relationship between me and my life was like one of the couples that never should have gotten married, I did things based on emotional decisions and none of them worked out.  The last thing Steve Carrel says is so true, and I am going to remind myself of it whenever I feel like giving up. 

 "I have patients who never should have gotten married..and you are not those people.. Even great marriages have terrible years. So bad that you're tempted to just give up. But don't. Hold on. There will come a time when you will look back at this moment as the prelude to something fuller and richer than you've ever dreamed."

That being said, I hope you are able to sleep well my dears and live the life you want. I hope so many good things to those that seek the better life. Hold on. There are always just bumps in the road, none of them have been in vain. Good morning my darlings and to all a beautiful day. 

Snow White and the Huntsman

Good evening my dears, it is getting late for me, and I am delighted to be able to bring a pretty recent film into the blogger "limelight."



I had the good fortune of purchasing the latest version of  the classic fairy tale of Snow White: the princess who's spirit is connected with nature and brings peace to the land by ridding a kingdom of an evil queen.  This version is titled "Snow White and the Huntsman." Starring Kirsten Stewart and Charlize Theron, it definitely isn't camera shy of any close ups. Aside from familiar faces, the story line is more of an epically sculpted landscape than the more previous fluffy adaptions.  I thoroughly enjoyed the extended cut that lasts two hours and fifteen minutes of graphic battle scenes and impressive digital effects. I had been wavering as to whether I really wanted to spend the money to buy this, but I was excuisitely surprised and pleased to have made the purchase.

This version provides a background glimpse into the evil queen's beginnings and as the story matures, so does our understanding of what molded her into such wickedness. But just as we come to understand the queens horrific past, we also are able to see the parallel childhood of the princess and how both girls dealt with tragedy in opposite manners. There is a line that the now grown princess confides, "I used to hate her (the evil queen, Ravenna) but now I only feel sadness...."

When Snow White is awakened by the kiss of her true love, she speaks to rally the people to aide her against the queen and she says, "I have seen what she (the evil queen) sees... I can kill her..." She understands why she is evil, she does not judge her, but she cannot stand by and watch her destroy innocent peoples lives.

Have you ever had to survive something? Have you ever faced captivity and faced evil?

There are two types of people. People that cannot stand up to evil and cower to it. And then there are people that look into the face of evil, and refuse to look away until they see into the heart of evil, and they do not turn away; they recognize it as something that dwells in all of us, and they stand up to it and rise above it.

There are flowers that wilt in frost and winter, and then there are flowers that bloom and remain strong despite what the world has surrounded them with.

I am going to say, sometimes surviving is merely holding onto an unexplainable faith that there is something good- something worth holding out for- waiting for us in the near future.  And when we find that hope, that bright light..... we would rather die that day fighting for that light and hope than live another day of "this death," as Snow White calls it when rallying everyone to her.

In summation, I am wishing for you all that if you have not yet found that light, to hold on to faith: I Know you will find it if you never stop hoping and looking for it.

And to those of you that Have found that light.. you have found that hope. .... I implore you to have the courage and strength to fight to hold onto it. If you work at never losing it and fighting for it, you are truly alive, anything else is only a shadow of what your life has to offer you.

I would never ask of you my dear readers anything I do not demand of myself as well. Life is difficult and we are all unique individuals with similar and different pasts, but we are all the same at our cores. We all contain good and evil in us, and it is up to us to decide which we will give into, which we will survive from and which we will hold onto and never let go. Be honest and courageous. I was not born a fighter, but I have trained myself to fight for what I love, anything else is not living, anything else would only fill me with regret and useless wishing.

Always with ernest hope,

Read Riding Hood

Bad Teacher

It has now been seven months since I moved from Colorado.

And it has now been three days since I just returned from my first visit back to my home state.

I am watching Enough. The third movie I have watched now since getting back.

The first movie I watched was Dumb & Dumber..... apart from hearing it mentioned from a few different sources, my mom and dad got it for me on blu-ray. Watching it, it wasn't how I remembered it, which actually was kind of shocking. I'm not used to movies not being how I remember them. After pondering it, I guess this is a good sign, since I did want to change my lifestyle. And the fact I now see things differently.... It made me glad it wasn't the way I remembered.

The second movie I watched was Bad Teacher. I would have watched it with Charmane, but stupid me, spaced that, "Oh! duh, Katalin! Nobody but you has a blu-ray player!" So, I just had to wait to watch it upon getting back here too. I enjoyed it, it made me laugh at the irony life plays on you when you realize that what you want changes when you change as a person.

And now here I am watching Enough with Nana and Papa. It's a good movie. And while I could blog right now, I actually have to go right now and call Charmane to say hi.

I'm going to have to start organizing my life, I have actual things to take care of. I will have to MAKE time for blogging. *smile*