SuckerPunch: n.; adj. the moment a dream is rudely awakened into reality
Work is work. Life is life. . But what is love?... Some people don't like to discuss it. Some people enjoy mulling over the idea, while others constantly jump in head first and immerse themselves in it. I have a theory, and I am waiting to see it proven true. I propose that love is like a person: it has two sides to it; to understand it you must get to know and understand both sides before you can truly know it. There is a sad/evil/cruel side and there is a happy/good/compassionate side. And before you can really know just how wonderful the beautiful side is, you must acquaint yourself with the ugly side of it. Without one, the other cannot exist.
Up till now I have fished to the very bottom of the barrel of my soul and the world's soul to find "love." On the way down I passed some shiny apples, some gnarly apples, some sour apples, some sweet apples, some moldy apples, some abandoned apples that people had tasted and tossed aside to be picked at by desperate others only to be tossed aside again.... And I became acquainted and good friends with mostly the half eaten sticky cores. I stubbornly followed the optimism that there is good in everyone and I was determined to prove it. And yes, I still believe there is. However, I now realize, dragging my soul through the mud will not help those old gnarly moldy apples anymore than it will help my very own self. Faith is believing in things not seen, so maybe the whole time I've been trying to prove good exists in everything has been the wrong answer; maybe just having faith that it is there, deep within, regardless of whether anyone can prove it or not, is what I should have really been after.
I titled this post after the film Sucker Punch and I still have yet to mention anything about it. It is about a girl who had everything and lost everything: everything except for her soul and mind. But, her saving grace was finding a new purpose to live for after she found something worth dying for. On one level, I interpreted the characters all as individuals. But after pondering on it for a few weeks, I realize we have all those personalities inside of ourselves. We have the girl that has nothing to lose inside of us, protecting us and egging us on when we fear hurt or pain. We have that girl that ran away from home and ended up trapped with no way back. We all have so much potential and different possibilities and fate and memories speaking to us... And the most important decisions we make to shape our fate will be the hardest ones to decide: the decisions of letting go and sacrifice.
Whenever you come to a crossroads (and yes, here it comes, the crossroads speech....) you have to decide whether to turn right or left. One road usually leads to a scary undetermined path full of new sights and sounds that are unfamiliar, while the other holds no secrets, no fear... And it is this second path, devoid of fear and its brother hope that should be feared, because it is a shallow road that leaves many mere shells of the entire human they could and should be.
Do not be afraid to let go of the past..... Be afraid of not letting it go. Learn to let go of that girl that is numb and heartbroken. She has been there to protect the little girl in you this whole time and she is there to take the hit so that the innocent part of you is able escape and given the chance to grow again.
I suppose now that it's almost two in the morning I will get off my soap box and let you all continue snoring. goodnight.
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