So my dear readers, here I am. Life has granted me the grace and possibility to love and to lose. I realize now, when people ask if it is better to love and to have lost, or to not have loved at all.... They are not asking or comparing, they are trying to see if you know that none of that matters. What matters is if you realize that love without loss, is not love at all. Without loss we cannot know love; without love, we cannot understand loss. If we had never tasted bad, how would we know what good is in comparison?.....
Anyway... Translation into normal english.
There are plenty of normal things I do and I have rediscovered. Liiiike the simplicity of going to the bookstore and finding a patch of bare carpet and planting myself indian style down and peeling the cover of my journal back and jotting down my random feelings and thoughts. I have rediscovered speaking my thoughts without filtering them. I have rediscovered the wonderful cash-chewy-ness of cashew chicken and rice. I have rediscovered the splendor of the movie theater and how comforting it has been and can be at times of great stress. I have rediscovered new things I hadn't tried before, like the movie, Super Troopers.
This is what I have been missing this whole time!!?!?... Sad day that I've existed this long without this awesome laugh... But happy day, that from now on I am aware that it's here for me if I should ever need a good laugh.
I have rediscovered what it's like to have family... and to have family that actually cares about you; family that wants to spend time with you and get to know. People that love you.. for just being you.
I have rediscovered my appetite for food... And What-A-Burger.
I have rediscovered curiosity for stories hidden in between the lines of peoples stories around me, abbreviated and hidden in the square plaques we put on our cars officially called "license plates." Every plate is a story.... If only I was able to look into the history of each one, imagine the crazy and stupendously boring things I would hear about.
I have rediscovered the memories and new enjoyment of watching old flicks I grew up on, like The Rocketeer. I thought Lady Luck was one of the prettiest and most classic looking actresses Ihad ever seen and I still think so.
I have rediscovered the understanding of my own story, and the stories that brought me here. I have rediscovered the glory and comedy of Joe Versus the Volcano once more. "They look like little monsters... But, they're good little monsters.".... "Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair, covered the emptiness of my palm...." Look I don't know you, you're angry... I can see that. I'm very troubled... I'm not ready to.. There's only so much time, so use it well... I'm sitting here talking to you, I don't want to throw it away...
I have no response to that..
Then maybe you should take me back to the hotel....
Will you meet me for breakfast?... I told you I was a flibberty-gibbet. I'm sorry I was so grotesque last night. Can I ask you a question?... Why are you dressed as Jungle Jim?
Goodnight.
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